Can i get 6 points for this essay??

[saravanan ps]

Question: Even though globalization affects the world’s economics in a very
positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.


Globalisation has made economy to grow and in turn also improve the lifestyle of people. Even though it has made our life stylish, we are also facing challenges because of it.

Nevertheless, because of it country became economically stable. It also improved quality of life. In addition it gives wider choice of products with low cost. Even customer care has been improved a lot.

However it opened the competition between local players with international players. Furthermore local players need to invest more to compete with them. In fact mostly they were not richly funded like international giants. So they have to leave the market. Peoples who are incorporated with these local companies need to leave and search new options.

In addition peoples become addicted to western cultures. They were attracted towards the western lifestyle and they try to follow the same. In turn they became spend thrift and got stressed because of their credits.

Not only, it imparted more stress on the common people. It also makes life tougher for the people who are not able to earn well in this society.

To conclude globalisation is good in much aspect, however we need to change policy regarding globalisation So that our local players got protected. Even we need to give stress management training in school, so that they were able handle the stress in later stage.

[durai]

Hi Sarvanan,

In my view, this essay is not band 6 worth.

ideas are not relevant, no paragraphing , many grammar errors , sentences incomplete,

I would say , band 4.5 to 5 ( i am not an assessor)

getting abnd 6 is quite easy, just Ryan's model.

4 paragraphs,

intro,
2 supporting para's,
conclusion

band 6 is achievable for you.

[saravanan ps]

Hi durai,

Thanks for the feedback. I will try to improve. However, whether is it not advisable to have 4 paragraph's?

I got confused ..

[durai]

hi,

Its nothing about four or five, I suggested you 4 because, with such paragraphs you can achieve goof task response than 5 paragraphs, also you can limit your writing around 270 words with such approach.

look at Ryan's essays on his blog, all of them are worth band 8.5 + but he used only 4 paragraphs,

I mean for you writing one sentence and jumping to next paragraph won't fulfill a complete paragraph requirements.


Durai

[saravanan ps]

Now i got it . Thanks for the explanation .