Please rate my essay and help me to improve

[saravanan ps]

Essay topic:
Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health
completely. What is your opinion?

Answer :

Obesity is become one of the common problem nowadays. Because of obesity even young aged peoples were having heart diseases. Dieting is one of the solutions for this problem.

Because of the lifestyle and busy work schedule peoples were becoming less active. And also junk foods are becoming their favorite. In addition they were also not sleeping well .It results in obesity in turn cause for heart diseases.

Dieting is a good alternative for the people, who are not active. It reduces the chances of getting heart disease. And also it helps to keep fit and look good. However Dieting without proper knowledge will have adverse effect. If the person follows crash diet without taking proper nutrition, he could become weak and less immune to diseases. However balance diet will improve the health instead of weakening.

Dieting not only improves the health, it also elevates the self-esteem of the person. He will become more confident and self-disciplined. Life will become more pleasant and joyful because of it. Dieting with proper exercise also increase the life span of the person.

On conclusion I strongly agree dieting will make the life of the person much better and joyful. Moreover dieting has to be done with good understanding about it.

[Johnson zhang]

poorly written.

you need to get proper tutors

commenting your mistakes is hardly going to help. You know little about grammar

[durai]

Hi Saravanan,

Are you belong to Tamil Nadu ?

I am from Coimbatore.

Anyway, you need to follow exactly Ryan's model, means total of 15 sentences, stick to that, I am saying because of your poor knowledge in Grammar, your vocabulary is enough to get band 6, but only structure and grammar puts you behind around 5.

so , go to Ryna's website , I mean writing blog, and analyse all his essays, he hardly go more than 15 sentences in his essays,

learn , adapt the same structure and put your writing here, then we move on to clean up the grammar,

here is his link:

http://ieltsielts.com/category/ielts-writing/

Prepare, but its easy to get band 6...good luck..

[saravanan ps]

Hi Durai,

Yes i am also from Tamilnadu . I put up in chennai.

Thanks for your guidance. I will try ryan'w website.


regards
P.S.Saravanan