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Please help improve my letter

Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:49 am
by saqibali
You have just spent a weekend staying at the Lilo Hotel in Adelaide. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel.


Dear Manager,

I am writing to notify you about loss of my bag, its description and convenient return method. Please allow me to elaborate what happened to me yesterday.

Last week, I along with my friend enjoyed our stay at your luxury and peaceful hotel. No doubt, it was one of the best stay of my life. Yesterday, while returning from your indoor spacious swimming pool, I forget to carry my bag with me.Pertinently, the bag was placed inside small temporary cupboards provided to visitors.

Like all hand bags, dimensions of my bag are less than half meter length and width. Its a spacious black color bag with hard touch sense. The bag has five outer pockets which are equipped with small zips.

Unfortunately, now I have returned to my city. As you can imagine, it’s almost impossible for me to visit the hotel again for collection of my bag only. In addition, my office routine is tougher than my expectations now, which make the situation worser.Thus, I expect you to send me my bag via a courier service am sending you courier fee in advanced.


Waiting your helpful reply,

Re: Please help improve my letter

Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:52 pm
by Flick
saqibali wrote:You have just spent a weekend staying at the Lilo Hotel in Adelaide. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel.


Dear Manager,

I am writing to notify you about the loss of my bag, its description and a convenient return method. Please allow me to elaborate on what happened to me yesterday.

Last week, I, along with my friend, enjoyed our stay at your luxury and peaceful hotel. No doubt, it was one of the best holidays of my life. Yesterday, while returning from your indoor swimming pool, I forget to pick up my bag. Pertinently, the bag was placed inside one of the small, temporary cupboards provided to visitors.

My bag is about half a meter in length and width. It is black with stiff sides. The bag has five outer pockets which are equipped with small zips.

Unfortunately, I have returned to my city without it. As you can imagine, it’s almost impossible for me to visit the hotel again just to collect my bag. In addition, my office routine is tougher than my expectations now, which make the situation worser.(<-- This sentence does not add meaning to the situation. It can be deleted.) Thus, I would appreciate it if you would send me my bag via a courier service. I am happy to pay the courier fee in advance.


Waiting your helpful reply,

Re: Please help improve my letter

Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:16 pm
by saqibali
Anyone who can
Spot the grammer mistakes?
Challenge my task achievement?
Challenge my Understanding?
Suggest better variety of words and phrases?
Suggest better cohesion?
Suggest better sentences and words?