Please benchmark my essay with an ideal one
Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:29 am
Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This was required to be an argumentative essay in which writer is supposed to support one side and refute the other side by giving arguments.I have answered this essay in discussion essay mode; took an medium stance.Since the answer is written in discussion style so lets assume its an discussion essay and lets read it like this.
Old age care, particularly financial support help is the most important basic need of elder people. Some old agedelder people can support themselves without any [*]governmentsuch support while some people are in dire need of government support. [*]Government is responsible for such support if an old aged person is not eligible to work further and he has no other supportThis sentence is unnecessary and this contradicts to the next sentence to some extent. It is argued that a thorough analysis should be conducted for each old aged person to decide if he really deserves such support. A thorough analysis is being conducted below to support my opinion.
Helping helpless andan ineligible [*]peopleperson is responsibility of government. So, its duty of state to identify such people, provide them with necessary care and financial supportSince this complex sentence seem awkward so break it here so that they can live a respectful life in society. This will help them live in respectful way In each society.Coherence has been lost here and repetition has startedThere are many people who have lost their professional strengths because of old age. A person without any professional strength can never support himself. A considerable proportion of such people do not have any other person to support them in this stage of life. Hence a dire need of needy old people for such a support is crystal clear.This paragraph proves dire needs of aged people rather it proves anything with government.Secondly since its supposed to be an discussion essay, this paragraph should have supported the opposite point of view than in first one
*This paragraph is off the topic and this answers why government should not support rich people
Providing care and financial support to rich and able elder people will be an unnecessary negative burden on budget allocated for older needy people. There are many [*]elder retired people who has a lot of backup money, professional strengths as well as family support. Such people do not need government support and funds to live their life. [*]Hence government should not provide support to all retired elder people without evaluation of each case individually and specifically This paragraph should have been stated at start of the paragraph. Hence the need of evaluation of each case is obvious.
Analyzing both sides of the picture, it is reasoned that its responsibility of government to provide support, particularly financial support to deserving eldersonly. For such type of money allocation, government should evaluate each case individually.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This was required to be an argumentative essay in which writer is supposed to support one side and refute the other side by giving arguments.I have answered this essay in discussion essay mode; took an medium stance.Since the answer is written in discussion style so lets assume its an discussion essay and lets read it like this.
Old age care, particularly financial support help is the most important basic need of elder people. Some old agedelder people can support themselves without any [*]governmentsuch support while some people are in dire need of government support. [*]Government is responsible for such support if an old aged person is not eligible to work further and he has no other supportThis sentence is unnecessary and this contradicts to the next sentence to some extent. It is argued that a thorough analysis should be conducted for each old aged person to decide if he really deserves such support. A thorough analysis is being conducted below to support my opinion.
Helping helpless andan ineligible [*]peopleperson is responsibility of government. So, its duty of state to identify such people, provide them with necessary care and financial supportSince this complex sentence seem awkward so break it here so that they can live a respectful life in society. This will help them live in respectful way In each society.Coherence has been lost here and repetition has startedThere are many people who have lost their professional strengths because of old age. A person without any professional strength can never support himself. A considerable proportion of such people do not have any other person to support them in this stage of life. Hence a dire need of needy old people for such a support is crystal clear.This paragraph proves dire needs of aged people rather it proves anything with government.Secondly since its supposed to be an discussion essay, this paragraph should have supported the opposite point of view than in first one
*This paragraph is off the topic and this answers why government should not support rich people
Providing care and financial support to rich and able elder people will be an unnecessary negative burden on budget allocated for older needy people. There are many [*]elder retired people who has a lot of backup money, professional strengths as well as family support. Such people do not need government support and funds to live their life. [*]Hence government should not provide support to all retired elder people without evaluation of each case individually and specifically This paragraph should have been stated at start of the paragraph. Hence the need of evaluation of each case is obvious.
Analyzing both sides of the picture, it is reasoned that its responsibility of government to provide support, particularly financial support to deserving eldersonly. For such type of money allocation, government should evaluate each case individually.