please check out my essay and evaluate it

[Soso]

Hi
Could you please check my essay?

Problems with environmental pollution have become so serious that many countries are trying to solve these problems. Suggest possible solutions and give your own opinion.


In the recent years, countries have suffered from ecological hassles. Indeed, environmental pollution is one of the most precarious issues that attack all cities. Although communities and governments are the main reason of these problems, they are able to address it by suggesting some rational solutions.
One of the vital environmental problems is air pollution. Nowadays, smoke emissions has decreased dramatically which is caused by factory and driving big cars. Consequently, smoking undesirably affects individual’s health such as tuberculosis, lung cancer, and so on. Another major problem is water pollution. All water of seas and rivers contaminated all creatures by several hazardous chemical and biological wastes. For example, many plants and mills dispose very harmful water into seas and rivers as well as individuals are throwing litters into rivers and oceans. As a result, all individuals drink polluted water and eat fish which is containing all sorts of bacteria and easily they are poisoning with drinking waste factories.
There are several actions that governments and individuals could take to solve the problems illustrated above. Concerning the role of government towards addressing these problems, the best solution is building factories outside the cities and establishing metros or buses instead of using cars. As a consequence, air pollution which is emitted by plants and automobiles will reduce noticeably. Regarding the role of individuals, societies should be aware of the importance of environment by recycling and reusing materials such as cans or bags and people should throw the garbage in the appropriate place. Finally, parents have the significant role to illuminate their children about the harmful effects of environmental problems such as providing some advice in order to protect their children from diseases and the life around them as well.
To sum up, despite of ecological troubles have increased rapidly and all the environmental elements are an essential basics for creatures, communities and individuals are capable to handle it positively.

Words: 317

[cranford cliff]

I don't think you will face such a big topic in the real IELTS test - maybe they will ask you about one aspect , such as noise pollution , or clean water.
Specific comments:
'In recent years' , no 'the'
hassle is very informal , used in speech to means 'annoying thing'.
Check the meaning of precarious - do you mean 'urgent'?
these problems do not just affect cities, water pollution affects farmers and wildlife in remote areas.
Communities and governments are not the reasons for these problems , they (partly) cause them.
'rational solution' is not a good collocation.
Air pollution is not just smoke , and 'smoking ' means the habit of smoking tobacco!

Seas and rivers "are contaminated by discharges from factories and waste from cities".Litter is uncountable. 'Contains', not 'is containing'
'They are poisoning by ' is wrong and 'they' could refer to people fish or bacteria.

Be careful of the use of the word 'plant' which has two different meanings, at least. Suggest you say : 'industrial plants ' or factories.

Building factories outside cities does not make sense to me as a practical solution.
Parents teach children , not 'illuminate'
Suggest you conclude something like:

'To conclude, environmental problems are serious and urgent issues around the world, but there are many changes that can be made to improve the situation and educate the young in their responsibilites to protect the environment.'

[Soso]

Thank you so much i will check it

Best regards