Tasks 1 and 2 Academic - Could you please give comments?
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:11 pm
Good afternoon!
Once again, I come to you with a written part I did in 1h, in preparation for my IELTS next Saturday.
Could you please give me comments?
Since I'm aiming at a band 8, I really want to improve my writing in every possible way.
Thank you in advance
These two diagrams describe in details the cement-making process and the use of cement in the production of concrete. It is noticeable that cement and concrete productions both require a certain number of ingredients and processing stages.
First, cement is initially composed of limestone and clay. After being transformed into powder by a crusher, both materials are mixed and then heated in a rotating heater. Finally, the warmed mixture passes through a grinder and generates cement that can be packed for further use.
Second, the cement produced thanks to the production process described above, takes part in the making of concrete. In order to produce concrete for building purposes, the volume of a concrete mixer must be composed of a quarter of sand, a half of gravel, a tenth of water and fifteen percent of cement.
In conclusion, it is deducible that both these production processes are strongly bound and cannot exist separately.
153 words
Since the first global petrol crisis in the 1970’s, the price of petrol has been on the rise, and has reached levels never seen before. This skyrocketing increase goes along with growing concerns for the environment and urban life, mainly because of the rise in population and vehicles. While increasing the price of petrol is firstly said to be a viable solution by some, I personally believe that this method is not the best one, and that other measures might be more efficient.
It is true that increasing the price of petrol has a few short-term advantages. I reduces traffic and encourages drivers to share cars or take public transports, since they might represent cheaper means of travelling. Traffic is hence reduced as well as public maintenance and infrastructure fees. This money might consequently be used for innovative projects and to encourage firms to innovate. Indeed, as the latter see their customers buying less cars, innovating should be among their number one priorities.
Nonetheless, an increase in the price of gas is, in my opinion, inefficient on a longer term. Most drivers still need their cars on a daily basis to work, and thus they would be forced to use them. A rise in the price of petrol could then result in impoverished consumers that would afterwards need to economise on other commodities, like buying a more economic and more expensive electric car. In order to avoid such a situation in which consumers are constrained to choose polluting products, making environment-friendly technologies cheaper and subsidising them could be a first solution. Therefore, people could be financially and politically encouraged to adopt ‘safer’ and ‘cleaner’ vehicles, as hydrogen or electric motors for instance. A second solution, on which many aspects of life are relying, is education. It is up to everybody to preserve the environment by improving their behaviours.
In conclusion, I think that despite its short-term effects, increasing the price of petrol is not a good solution on the long run, compared to innovation, education and subsidisation of ‘green technologies’.
334 words
Once again, I come to you with a written part I did in 1h, in preparation for my IELTS next Saturday.
Could you please give me comments?
Since I'm aiming at a band 8, I really want to improve my writing in every possible way.
Thank you in advance
These two diagrams describe in details the cement-making process and the use of cement in the production of concrete. It is noticeable that cement and concrete productions both require a certain number of ingredients and processing stages.
First, cement is initially composed of limestone and clay. After being transformed into powder by a crusher, both materials are mixed and then heated in a rotating heater. Finally, the warmed mixture passes through a grinder and generates cement that can be packed for further use.
Second, the cement produced thanks to the production process described above, takes part in the making of concrete. In order to produce concrete for building purposes, the volume of a concrete mixer must be composed of a quarter of sand, a half of gravel, a tenth of water and fifteen percent of cement.
In conclusion, it is deducible that both these production processes are strongly bound and cannot exist separately.
153 words
Since the first global petrol crisis in the 1970’s, the price of petrol has been on the rise, and has reached levels never seen before. This skyrocketing increase goes along with growing concerns for the environment and urban life, mainly because of the rise in population and vehicles. While increasing the price of petrol is firstly said to be a viable solution by some, I personally believe that this method is not the best one, and that other measures might be more efficient.
It is true that increasing the price of petrol has a few short-term advantages. I reduces traffic and encourages drivers to share cars or take public transports, since they might represent cheaper means of travelling. Traffic is hence reduced as well as public maintenance and infrastructure fees. This money might consequently be used for innovative projects and to encourage firms to innovate. Indeed, as the latter see their customers buying less cars, innovating should be among their number one priorities.
Nonetheless, an increase in the price of gas is, in my opinion, inefficient on a longer term. Most drivers still need their cars on a daily basis to work, and thus they would be forced to use them. A rise in the price of petrol could then result in impoverished consumers that would afterwards need to economise on other commodities, like buying a more economic and more expensive electric car. In order to avoid such a situation in which consumers are constrained to choose polluting products, making environment-friendly technologies cheaper and subsidising them could be a first solution. Therefore, people could be financially and politically encouraged to adopt ‘safer’ and ‘cleaner’ vehicles, as hydrogen or electric motors for instance. A second solution, on which many aspects of life are relying, is education. It is up to everybody to preserve the environment by improving their behaviours.
In conclusion, I think that despite its short-term effects, increasing the price of petrol is not a good solution on the long run, compared to innovation, education and subsidisation of ‘green technologies’.
334 words
