For review, please. Task-I of Ielts GT

[Ali Ehsan]

Task
Your children are learning foreign language at school. Someone introduced you the private teacher.
Write a letter to the teacher
-tell him about your children
-what sort of help they need
- ask the teacher his previous experience

Dear Sir,

I have come to know through my colleague that you are offering private English teaching classes to students at home. I'm writing this letter to show my interest in your services for my children.

I have two children, both studying in class-II in a private school near our home. They are performing very well in other subjects, but I am not satisfied with their performance in English. They need to treat English as a language rather than as a subject. I think they need individual attention for learning the language and I personally feel that no one can do this job better than a native English speaker, who has some relevant experience of teaching English to students in the past.

I therefore, request you to send me your resume so that I can evaluate you better in this regard.

Hope to get a positive reply from your side.

Best regards,
Ali Ehsan

[allen_zhang]

Hi Ali,
I just got 7 on writing once and I don't have much idea on this topic. I would like to comment a little on your work.

Task
Your children are learning foreign language at school. Someone introduced you the private teacher.
Write a letter to the teacher
-tell him about your children
-what sort of help they need
- ask the teacher his previous experience

Dear Sir,

I have come to know through one of my colleagues that you are offering private English classes to students at home whose home?. I'm writing this letter to show my interests in your services for my children.

I would use: "I came to know...". I feel past tense is better,but I am not so sure.


I have two children, both studying in grade-II in a private primary school near our home. They are performing very well in other subjects, but I am not satisfied with their performance in English. They need to treat English as a language rather than as a subject. I think they need individual attention for learning the language and I personally feel that no one can do this job better than a native English speaker, who has some relevant experience of teaching English to students in the past.

I therefore, request you to send me your resume so that I can evaluate you better in this regard.
It seems not polite enough.
I would also like to ask about your experience and qualications on English tutoring.

Hope to get a positive reply from you.

Best regards,
Ali Ehsan

My impression of this letter is that the grammar is pretty good. You just need to pay a little more attention to your tone and come up with more ideas and more sophisticate phrases. I can't help much as I don't have much idea as well.

[Ali Ehsan]

Dear Allen,

Thank you very much for your valuable inputs.

BR,
ali