Please assess my General Writing Task 2.

[vikasggn]

Some people think that because of email and telephones, communication among people is less personal now than it used to be. Do you agree or disagree with the view?
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Communication technology has a come a long way in the 21st century. Nowadays, people are excessively dependent on emails and telephones than informal talks and personal visits. I agree with the view that communication these days is becoming less personal and informal. This can be proven by ever increased use of computer, phone and internet devices in recent times and tendency of a relatively formal and individualistic outlook.

For evidence, emails and phone calls have become an easier and instantaneous tool to connect with someone. Emails can be sent out to as many people in a single go. The delivery may be guaranteed but the response may not be. Same way, the phone calls may end up on answering machines, hence there is no assurance that other person will come back. These technologies can never replace a face to face interaction where expressions and willingness of the other person can be easily apprehended. Also, the social and interpersonal touch of visiting a relative or a colleague than making a quick phone call would always be incomparable. Hence, the email and phone calls may be quicker and easier but taking away human touch from our interactions.

Furthermore, in the modern world, people are becoming more formal and individualistic. For example, at workplace, tendency is to document every email, meeting and phone call. This has advantages in some situations but unnecessarily complicates on many occasions because of lesser personal and more professional instincts involved. After analyzing above, it is apparent that email and telephones are less social and interpersonal ways of interaction.

To summarize, Communication technologies like email and telephone may have increased the speed of communication, but the personal touch has gone haywire. Communication is becoming less and less interpersonal than it used to be. It is expected that technology does not become a precursor to a wider interpersonal split with people running away from traditional ways of working.

[saqibali]

I supposed, its an older post.
Do you still need to correct this essay?