complain letter (please review it)

[Aditi]

please check my work and give me some feedback where i can impove
thanks in advance

You have bought a mobile phone in a tax-free shop just a few days ago,
and it doesn’t work properly.
Task: Write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him to
solve the problem


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am one of the customers who recently purchased mobile phone from your shop, and I am writing to complain about its defects.

For your information, I bought Samsung Galaxy S4 from your store on 23rd of June 2013, just four days ago. However, I was very surprised to notice problems with the model of two years warranty and which I expect was of very high quality. The first malfunction I notice was front camera that was slightly broken and was unable to take pictures from that side. Secondly, the device automatically switched off every hour which I believe is the factory defects.

I immediately contacted your shop to return the faulty handset, and talked with your shop manager regarding this fault. However, he suggested me to have it repaired on my own. You can imagine how receiving this offer disappoints me. I insist you to replace the faulty mobile, and send me the new one. Otherwise I will be forced to stop my payments to your store.

This matter needs your urgent attention.

Yours faithfully,
Aditi Khatiwada

[saqibali]

please check my work and give me some feedback where i can impove
thanks in advance

You have bought a mobile phone in a tax-free shop just a few days ago,
and it doesn’t work properly.
Task: Write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him to
solve the problem


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am one of the customers who recently purchased mobile phone from your shop[Unnecessary], and I am writing to complain about its defects.

I am writing to inform you about a problems in my recent purchase from your shop.Please allow me to elaborate my situation.

For your information[Repeating meanings], I bought Samsung Galaxy S4 from your store on 23rd of June 2013, just four days ago. However, I was very surprised to notice problems with the model of two years warranty and which I expect was of very high quality. The first malfunction I notice was front camera that was slightly broken and was unable to take pictures from that side. Secondly, the device automatically switched off every hour which I believe is the factory defects.[Sentences need revision]

I immediately contacted your shop to return the faulty handset, and talked with your shop manager regarding this fault.[Break sentence into simple.Sentence need revision] However, he suggested me to have it repaired on my own. You can imagine how receiving this offer disappoints me. I insist you to replace the faulty mobile, and send me the new one. Otherwise I will be forced to stop my payments to your store.

This matter needs your urgent attention.

Tone need to be a bit compelling.Actually, you are copying from urdu/hindi word by word.If you try to recall colloquial sentences, you can write qualitative sentences.

Yours faithfully,
Aditi Khatiwada