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Aditi wrote:please check my work and give me some feedback where i can impove
thanks in advance

You have bought a mobile phone in a tax-free shop just a few days ago,
and it doesn’t work properly.
Task: Write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him to
solve the problem


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am one of the customers who recently purchased mobile phone from your shop[Unnecessary], and I am writing to complain about its defects.

I am writing to inform you about a problems in my recent purchase from your shop.Please allow me to elaborate my situation.

For your information[Repeating meanings], I bought Samsung Galaxy S4 from your store on 23rd of June 2013, just four days ago. However, I was very surprised to notice problems with the model of two years warranty and which I expect was of very high quality. The first malfunction I notice was front camera that was slightly broken and was unable to take pictures from that side. Secondly, the device automatically switched off every hour which I believe is the factory defects.[Sentences need revision]

I immediately contacted your shop to return the faulty handset, and talked with your shop manager regarding this fault.[Break sentence into simple.Sentence need revision] However, he suggested me to have it repaired on my own. You can imagine how receiving this offer disappoints me. I insist you to replace the faulty mobile, and send me the new one. Otherwise I will be forced to stop my payments to your store.

This matter needs your urgent attention.

Tone need to be a bit compelling.Actually, you are copying from urdu/hindi word by word.If you try to recall colloquial sentences, you can write qualitative sentences.

Yours faithfully,
Aditi Khatiwada