Letter ( please judge my work)

[Aditi]

can you please correct my work

You are a student who wants to apply to Green Pines College. You are experiencing financial problems at the moment.
Task: Write a letter to the Principal of the College, explaining your situation and ask for information on scholarships or other means of financial help available.

Dear Sir and Madam,

I am writing this letter to acquire some information regarding the scholarships service.

I had completed diploma of Information Technology from Central College with high distinctions in all the subjects. I would like to continue my further study at Green Pine College because it is one of the best colleges for Technical field and provides all practical and theoretical knowledge. However, due to my financial condition, I am unable to enrol. Actually my dad had an accident and the budget allocated for my studies was used for his treatments. Since we have not any other sources of income besides his salary, so, it is essential for me to get some idea about scholarship.

Does your college provide scholarship for students as me who are economically weak? Also, do you give full or half scholarship? Is there any other means of help, like students loan which could be paid after completion of the courses? I would appreciate if you could send me all the information regarding these in my email address. My email address is aaaab@yahoo.com.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Aditi Khatiwada

[saqibali]

can you please correct my work

You are a student who wants to apply to Green Pines College. You are experiencing financial problems at the moment.
Task: Write a letter to the Principal of the College, explaining your situation and ask for information on scholarships or other means of financial help available.

Dear Sir and/ Madam,

I am writing this letter to acquire[solicit] some information[for a possible scholarship opportunity] regarding the scholarships service.

I had[Recently, I ] completed diploma of Information Technology from Central College with high distinctions in all the subjects. I would like to continue my further study at Green Pine College because it is one of the best colleges for Technical field and provides all practical and theoretical knowledge...why you are writing this?Why not break the long sentence into smaller ones?. However, due to my include word poor Which financial conditions? financial condition, I am unable to enrol. Actually my dad had an accident and the budget allocated for my studies was used for his treatments.You see, my bad met an accident.Unfortunately, my educational budget has been utilized on his treatment/color]. Since we have not[no] any other sources of income besides his salary, so, it is essential for me to get some idea about scholarship.Unfortunately, we are not lucky with any additional earning source.For this reason, I would like to inquire about a possible scholarship opportunity.

Does your college provide scholarship for students as me who are economically weak? Also, do you give full or half scholarship? Is there any other means of help, like students loan which could be paid after completion of the courses? I would appreciate if you could send me all the information regarding these in my email address. My email address is aaaab@yahoo.com.


Last paragraph need revision.Please rewrite it.do not include any email address.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Aditi Khatiwada