Please assess my writing task 2

[ravinain]

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.
What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

Nowadays, youngsters are immensely being involved in criminal activities. This is becoming a major problem in most countries. However, according to me, there are various reasons for this, and solutions to combat with them as well.

There are numerous significant factors which are causing proliferation in such crimes. First and foremost, nowadays movies are becoming too violent, although they are for entertainment only. Wrong Turn, for instance, Hollywood movie, which has plenty of violent scenes, but still children enjoy watching it. In addition, as per modern trend both parents are working; therefore, no one is at home to supervise their children and without supervision kids cannot refrain themselves from watching such movies. Furthermore, in most countries, there is no strong law against young criminals. In India, for example, if criminals are under the age of 16 then there is no strong punishment for them.

However, there are several solutions of addressing such kind of problems. The sensor board should come forward to ban violent movies or delete the violent scenes from the movies. In addition, schools can also play a key role to reduce young criminals. For instance, giving lectures on behavioral etiquettes as well as consequences of committing crimes. Furthermore, parents should have control on their children and even though they are working, they should be aware of their children's behavior. Most importantly, government should introduce and implement strong law to reduce juvenile criminals.

To sum up, despite young criminals are increasing rapidly, they can be controlled. In my opinion, government should step forward to heed towards such kind of problems.


Please give estimated band(s).

[saqibali]

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.
What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

Nowadays, youngsters are immensely[wrong use of immense] being involved in criminal activities. This is becoming a major problem in most countries. However, according to me, there are various reasons for this, and solutions to combat with them as well.[Please check Ryan videos Introduction should never be like this]

There are numerous significant factors which are causing proliferation in such crimes. First and foremost, nowadays movies are becoming too violent, although they are for entertainment only. Wrong Turn, for instance,a Hollywood movie, which has plenty of violent scenes, but still children enjoy watching it[Break this sentence into two simple sentences]. In addition, as per modern trend both parents are working; therefore, no one is at home to supervise their children and without supervision kids cannot refrain themselves from watching such movies[Rephrase and Break this sentence into two simple sentences]. Furthermore, in most countries, there is no strong law against young criminals. In India, for example, if criminals are under the age of 16 then there is no strong punishment for them.

However, there are several solutions of addressing such kind of problems. The sensor board should come forward to ban violent movies or delete the violent scenes from the movies. In addition, schools can also play a key role to reduce young criminals. For instance, giving lectures on behavioral etiquettes as well as consequences of committing crimes. Furthermore, parents should have control on their children and even though they are working, they should be aware of their children's behavior. Most importantly, government should introduce and implement strong law to reduce juvenile criminals.

To sum up, despite young criminals are increasing rapidly, they can be controlled. In my opinion, government should step forward to heed towards such kind of problems.

It seems like you are trying to copy small parts of sentences from your first language.Then you try to combine them into long english sentence.This habit creates problem.Through a repetitive practice, you can overcome this habit.Try to recall true and original english sentences from your memory.


Please give estimated band(s).