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please check my writing. score and feedback.

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 3:08 pm
by dearjohn
I need a feedback on this essay. PLEASE 8-)

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.


Obesity among children is indeed becoming more common. This condition could negatively impact the young population especially with regards to their health. Many factors could be considered as a cause of this serious issue and efforts done at home and by the government should be shed to address this.

To begin with, obesity in children can be due to their exposure to junk foods in almost all places including schools. Foods such as candies, salty crackers and curls which contains inadequate nutritional value are omnipresent and are usually cheaply sold. As a result, children are tempted to consume these products in large amount as these foods are often appealing to children's tongue. To counteract this cause, the government can implement a law restricting vendors to sell junk foods at school or require food manufacturers to produce nutritious food products. For instance, in the Philippines, junk foods are banned at school and only foods with high nutritional value are allowed to be sold. Moreover, all junk foods are fortified with Vitamin A and other essential vitamins and minerals here in the country.

Furthermore, overweight parents produce overweight children. Children ought to imitate what they commonly observe. In the case of parents who has rather unhealthy lifestyle, their children may eventually adopt this way of living. This could happen as family shares same type of foods and daily routines. In connection to this, change should always start at home. Promoting healthy living is best amplified if parents act as an example. There are enjoyable activities that family could participate in, such as group exercise. Eating healthy food is also important. Parents should serve nutritious foods like vegetable but making it palatable and creative to tickle the interest of the young family members. Also, avoiding foods that are high in fat and sugar can be helpful.

In conclusion, obesity in children as we know can be blamed to the environment they are exposed to. Reasonable changes made by the government and more importantly by parents may decrease the incidence of this alarming health fact.