please comment my essay JUVENILE DELINQUENCY & MOTHERS

[Piazzi]

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the
following topic.
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of
the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the
fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Answer

One noticeable change among the uncountable aspects which have been transformed throughout the last 20 years, is the paper that woman have in our society. Some advocate that these changes, as independence, had led to an increase in young people problems. I personally tend to disagree with this point of view. The problems with teenagers are more related with their surrounding environment and friends rather than the presence of their mothers in their lives.

The environment created by media and entertainment industry seems catastrophic nowadays. Games, television, and movies transmit messages of violence more than they used to do. Consequently, a child who raise among these influences, will became a violent teen. Even with a rigid education, is a hard task to a mother overcome all these harmful material.

This task could became twice harder if your son have bad companies. Is known that at this age, teens commonly give more attention to their friends advices rather than mother advices. For this reason, is better to known who are your son friends. Being with wrong people as drugs dependents could have a huge and disastrous influence in the life of a young individual.

Finally, the contemporary problems that have been risen among young people are not connected with the new functions that women have in our society. These problems are much more related with the contact between teens and potentially harmful influences such as friends and media. After all, a mother’s heart is big enough to deal with work, home, and kids even when it seems an impossible task

[Flick]

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Answer

One noticeable change among the uncountable aspects which have been transformed throughout the last 20 years, is the paper that woman have in our society. (<--Reword to: "One of the biggest changes to society in the last 20 years is the role that women play.") Some advocate that these changes, as independence, had led to an increase in young people problems. (<--Reword to: "Some feel that these changes have led to an increase in the number of problems young people face.") I personally tend to disagree with this point of view. The problems with teenagers are more related with their surrounding environment and friends rather than the presence of their mothers in their lives.

The environment created by the media and entertainment industries seems catastrophic nowadays. Games, television, and movies transmit messages of violence more than they used to do. Consequently, a child who is raised among these influences will became a violent teen. Even with a rigid education, it is a hard task for a mother overcome all this harmful material.

This task becomes twice as hard if your son spends time with bad company. It is known that at this age teens commonly give more attention to their friends' advice rather than mother's advice. For this reason, it is better to know who your son spends time with. Being with wrong people as drugs dependents could have a huge and disastrous influence in the life of a young individual. (<--Reword to: "Being with the wrong people, such as drug users, can have a disastrous impact on the life of a youth.")

Finally, the contemporary problems that have risen among young people are not connected with the new functions that women have in our society. These problems are much more related to the contact between teens and potentially harmful influences such as friends and media. After all, a mother’s heart is big enough to deal with work, home, and kids even when it seems an impossible task.

[Piazzi]

Thank you! You are the best!!