Please comment on my Essay and give me feedback

[Ali Ehsan]

Task
For a long time, there has been concern about the quality of food we eat because of additives and contaminants. Is this concern is justified or not?

World’s population has been continuously on the rise, highlighting the need for increase in food demand. In order to fulfill the increasing trend, chemicals and pesticides are added to crops to kill harmful bacteria and correspondingly increase the food production. Use of chemicals has raised controversy over their harmful effects. Some people are concerned about the quality of food we eat toady because of additives and contaminants. In my opinion, their view is justified because of the following reasons:

First of all, insecticides added to crops to kill harmful bacteria are also dangerous for human’s health. Many viral infections are linked to the food we eat today. For example, diarrhoea is caused by ingestion of organic phosphorous in food added to crops to increase their growth. Apart from meeting high demand of food, use of chemicals has resulted in spreading contagious diseases among humans.

Secondly, in order to make money food companies are artificially producing milk and chicken products in their farms. This artificial production of dry milk and meat has resulted in elimination of some important vitamins from them; hence reducing their efficacy. Moreover, in underdeveloped countries like Pakistan where strict regulations from government authorities are not in placed, people intently commit adulteration in food and in doing so; they play with life of others just for the sake of money.

To summarize all, quality of food has been decreased in recent years due to contamination in food products in order to meet high food demand and earn huge profits. Government should implement certain regulations to control the quality of food being supplied to its citizens.

[saqibali]

Task
For a long time, there has been concern about the quality of food we eat because of additives and contaminants. Is this concern is justified or not?

World’s population has been continuously on the rise[increasing], highlighting[boosting] the need for increase in food demand. In order to fulfill the increasing trend[demand], chemicals and pesticides are added to[in] crops to kill harmful bacteria and correspondingly[Take correspondingly to end of the sentence] increase the food production. Use of chemicals has raised controversy over their harmful effects. Some people are concerned about the quality of food we eat toady[today] because of additives and contaminants. In my opinion, their view is justified because of the following reasons:

First of all, insecticides added to crops to kill harmful bacteria are also dangerous for human’s health[equally]. Many viral infections are linked to the food we eat today[these days:Do not repeat words]. For example, diarrhea is caused by ingestion of organic phosphorous in food added to crops to increase their growth[for growth purpose]. Apart from meeting high demand of food, use of chemicals has resulted in spreading contagious diseases among humans[Although chemicals increase growth of food but they add a lot of diseases in humans].

Secondly, in order to make money food companies are artificially producing milk and chicken products in their farms[Secondly companies are adding artificial mils and chicken products in their farms to harness associated monetary benefits] . This artificial production of dry milk and meat has resulted in elimination of some important vitamins from them; hence reducing their efficacy. Moreover, in underdeveloped countries like Pakistan where strict regulations from government authorities are not in placed]in practice], people intently commit adulteration in food and in doing so; they play with life of others just for the sake of money.

To summarize all, quality of food has been decreased in recent years due to contamination in food products in order to meet high food demand and earn huge profits. Government should implement certain regulations to control the quality of food being supplied to its citizens.