Writing T2 from recent IELTS exam(please provide feedback)

[Sushama]

Some people say that the Olympic games don’t have a role to play in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

From the ancient days Olympic has been a popular event and a great platform for sports and athletes. Even nowadays, there is a race between countries to host Olympic. It is clearly disagree that Olympic games have lost important in 21st century. It is not only platform of games, but also brings up message of peace by connecting countries, as well as an opportunity to increase the local and international business system.

Firstly, the events are played by many countries, hence people of different countries come together and encourage their role models which indicate the message of brotherhood. Apart from this, it is an opportunity for the host country to invite guest countries and cement social and economic relationships, and reduce political tension, which represent peace message to the world. It is an occasion for the people to know different kind of culture and cuisine. Hence this proves that Olympic games brings up social as well as culture awareness to the world.

Secondly, It is an opportunity for host country to generate revenue and maximize economy growth. For instance, to provide best hospitality, security and arrangement, the host country may need all kind of help from other countries, which leads maximize of international business. Local industries like hotel, travel and tourism are directly benefits from such events. Apart from this, during these days sales of sports equipment and demand of sports centers are increased rapidly. This shows that Olympic games are also benefits for economy and business growth.

In conclusion, by analyzing both points, it is agreed that Olympic games are more important in terms of social, political and economically.

[Sushama]

Anyone please verify the essay and provide possible band.
Thank You