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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programming (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Community services are important in life. This teaches us how to behave in society and improves moral values. Introducing unpaid service as compulsory activity in school is a good idea, but it might increase burden on students. Analyzing the aspects of this decision to make paid community service as mandatory in high schools can come to an conclusion

Students at high schools are already over burdened with their present curriculum. They have tremendous pressure from parents and institute to secure high grades, which is required for next level of education. Their day starts with school work attending hours of classes on different subjects and then ends with special tuitions, to improve on subjects they are lagging. So, rarely they find time to refresh and relax their tired bodies and brains.

With mandatory public service as part of high school activity may habituate the students to help needy society unconditionally. By share knowledge with underprivileged children, through teaching and playing will improve social behavior of the student. Organizing programs such as dramas, competitions on singing and dancing for charity will increase the confidence and bring good leadership qualities out of them. But, for all this they have to sacrifice their extra study hours or hours they get to relax themselves.

Looking at the above aspects, adding unpaid community service is an encouraging thing, but for this students need to be relieved from the burden of grades and ranks in education. Then they really enjoy and will always be ready to give their cent percent contribution towards the service.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programming (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Community services are important in life. This teaches us how to behave in society and improves moral values. Introducing unpaid service as acompulsory activity in school is a good idea( words such as good or bad are low level vocabulary. you can use its synonyms such as better, best etc..), but it might increase burden on students. Analyzing the aspects of this decision to make paid community service as mandatory in high schools can come to an conclusion.( This is an argumentative essay. So, you have to stand with one argument , either agree or disagree with question. If you are going to convert this essay as a discussion, you are failing in task achievement. Therefore, you can say i agreed that voluntary community services at high school education would be a better concept )

Students at high schools are already overburdened with their present curriculum. They have tremendous pressure from parents and institute to secure high grades, which is required for next level of education. Their day starts with school work attending hours of classes on different subjects and then ends with special tuitions, to improve on subjects they are lagging. So, rarely they find time to refresh and relax their tired bodies and brains.

With mandatory public service as part of high school activity may habituate students to help needy society unconditionally. By share knowledge with underprivileged children, through teaching and playing will improve social behavior of the student. Organizing programs such as dramas, competitions on singing and dancing for charity will increase the confidence and bring good leadership qualities out of them.(why are you discussing about out of task things such as competition and drama)But, for all this they have to sacrifice their extra study hours or hours they get to relax themselves.

Looking at the above aspects, adding unpaid(use synonyms) community service is an encouraging thing, but for this students need to be relieved from the burden of grades and ranks in education. Then they really enjoy and will always be ready to give their cent percent contribution towards the service.

hi hari
you are improving in your writing. Im sure that you will do that more. some advises are given below.
1)You must pay attention to the question. Find the meaning of the question.
If question asks for a discussion, write about both sides of an argument,or if it is asking about your opinion, give it first in the introduction. (I hope you know different types of questions in IELTS).
2) Do not write anything unrelated to the question in your answer. (It is more like you ask someone about their food habits and they replying you about their pets--completely different ideas )
3) Linking words- you have to link every sentence in a paragraph and every paragraphs in an essay. google for linking words.
some words to link ideas are...firstly, secondly,first of all, in addition to that(for ideas in paragraphs)
for instance, for example, ( to use examples)
therefore, so, thus, hence, as a result, moreover, (linking sentences)
on the one hand, and on the other hand, however, nevertheless to say( for stating ideas which are opposite in nature)
4) Think Ideas to say in your essay. if the question is banning tobacco for the sake of humanity, think about what will happen if tobacco industries are shut down. or what happens to the banned drugs.
Try hard, focus more into reading articles in English. I suggest you to read editorials in newspaper for vocab and grammar style. If you are from India, "The Hindu" newspaper is a better option .

thanks robin