General WT 1 and 2 - Please review, first time exam taker
Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 7:00 am
Hi All,
Please help review my essay as I would like know what band I currently in. This is my first time appearing for IELTS and started preparing a few days ago. I went through the basic argument essay structure of Ryans video and wrote this essay. As I am taking any coaching for IELTS, I am relying on this community to assess my band and get feedback on how to improve my writing to achieve a higher band.
Topic,
Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or personality - brings problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?
Here is my essay
A famous film star or sports personality enjoy the status of hero worship in this and many other countries. A celebrity is looked upon by children, young and the older mature people. The celebrities in this country enjoy greater benefits compared to normal people. They enjoy royal reception and have a huge financial freedom of being able to afford things that a normal person can only dream of.
Celebrities get royal reception whenever they go. For instance if they want a reservation in a very crowded or a fully booked restaurant, they could easily get a table. Although they might be pampered by the fans for their autographs and photographs to be taken with them, this is only a small inconvenience to them who might enjoy the interaction with the fans. This will only build a positive image on the celebrities for being easily approachable and enjoying the time spent with the fans. Even the restaurants do not mind this as this also beneficial to them in terms of bringing more popularity and in turn more customers to the restaurant. This is a beneficial situation for both the restaurants and celebrities.
Celebrities enjoy a greater financial freedom compared to an ordinary citizen. Once the film or sports personality become famous they get paid a lot of money for their work. They even get paid for attending events that are not directly related to their field of work, for instance a sports personality might be called upon for opening a boutique store, film personalities for motivational speech seminars. So they could afford lavish houses, private islands, expensive cars to name a few. Some even own private jets for their personal use. Although they are constantly photographed and invaded of their privacy while being in public by journalists and paparazzi, they overcome all these inconveniences by being able to afford private islands and private jets. As this shows that the benefits only outweigh the problems.
As just demonstrated that the celebrities enjoy greater financial freedom and receive royal reception in all the situation. So for a celebrity the benefits definitely outweigh the problems.
Letter writing task
You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- explain why you want to take time off work
- give details of the amount of time you need
- suggest how your work could be covered while you are away
Dear WC,
As you might know that in October Indians celebrate Diwali. It is one of the primary festivals for Hindus and I would like to celebrate this festival with my parents and other family members in India. This festival is celebrated for one whole week, which falls on October 22nd to 29th. So I request you to grant me time off during this period
During my absence from work, Peter will be my backup to handle the projects I am currently handling. I will work out a plant with him to give a detailed knowledge transfer about the projects I am handling. I will also give him the list of things to follow up with the stakeholders.
The ticket prices during this peak festival period could sour up, and I would like to book the tickets as early as I can to avoid very high ticket prices. I will only be able to book the tickets after you give the permission for my time off, so awaiting your response at the earliest.
Thank you,
rythmboy
Thank you all for your help.
Please help review my essay as I would like know what band I currently in. This is my first time appearing for IELTS and started preparing a few days ago. I went through the basic argument essay structure of Ryans video and wrote this essay. As I am taking any coaching for IELTS, I am relying on this community to assess my band and get feedback on how to improve my writing to achieve a higher band.
Topic,
Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or personality - brings problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?
Here is my essay
A famous film star or sports personality enjoy the status of hero worship in this and many other countries. A celebrity is looked upon by children, young and the older mature people. The celebrities in this country enjoy greater benefits compared to normal people. They enjoy royal reception and have a huge financial freedom of being able to afford things that a normal person can only dream of.
Celebrities get royal reception whenever they go. For instance if they want a reservation in a very crowded or a fully booked restaurant, they could easily get a table. Although they might be pampered by the fans for their autographs and photographs to be taken with them, this is only a small inconvenience to them who might enjoy the interaction with the fans. This will only build a positive image on the celebrities for being easily approachable and enjoying the time spent with the fans. Even the restaurants do not mind this as this also beneficial to them in terms of bringing more popularity and in turn more customers to the restaurant. This is a beneficial situation for both the restaurants and celebrities.
Celebrities enjoy a greater financial freedom compared to an ordinary citizen. Once the film or sports personality become famous they get paid a lot of money for their work. They even get paid for attending events that are not directly related to their field of work, for instance a sports personality might be called upon for opening a boutique store, film personalities for motivational speech seminars. So they could afford lavish houses, private islands, expensive cars to name a few. Some even own private jets for their personal use. Although they are constantly photographed and invaded of their privacy while being in public by journalists and paparazzi, they overcome all these inconveniences by being able to afford private islands and private jets. As this shows that the benefits only outweigh the problems.
As just demonstrated that the celebrities enjoy greater financial freedom and receive royal reception in all the situation. So for a celebrity the benefits definitely outweigh the problems.
Letter writing task
You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- explain why you want to take time off work
- give details of the amount of time you need
- suggest how your work could be covered while you are away
Dear WC,
As you might know that in October Indians celebrate Diwali. It is one of the primary festivals for Hindus and I would like to celebrate this festival with my parents and other family members in India. This festival is celebrated for one whole week, which falls on October 22nd to 29th. So I request you to grant me time off during this period
During my absence from work, Peter will be my backup to handle the projects I am currently handling. I will work out a plant with him to give a detailed knowledge transfer about the projects I am handling. I will also give him the list of things to follow up with the stakeholders.
The ticket prices during this peak festival period could sour up, and I would like to book the tickets as early as I can to avoid very high ticket prices. I will only be able to book the tickets after you give the permission for my time off, so awaiting your response at the earliest.
Thank you,
rythmboy
Thank you all for your help.