I'd like someone to correct my essay.
I'm aiming at band 6.5 or higher.
I have some questions.
1)
Can I get 6.5 or higher with this?
If not, how is the score going to be?
2)
How should I improve it?
3)
I used some political examples, should I avoid using those?
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To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world.
Why do you think it is important to do so? wWhat will be the effect if children are not taught history?
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Studying history is something hard to explain when people ask how it is beneficial and I've heard about some adults who think that teaching history is just a waste of time.
However, even though it maybe hard to see the historical knowledge being useful or beneficial, it is still a subject necessary to be taught in school.
One reason that history has to be taught is because we have to understand why democracy is needed and has to work properly.
According to human history, democracy hasn't been the main stream for long time. Without knowing the process that humanity has took,we maybe get thrown back to the era that didn't work well, especially for proletariats. Or we might make the same mistake of which Romans had made.
In addition to sustaining the democracy, we can also learn what did work and what didn't work for human relation ships.
From the books that I've read, I found out that there are many tips that really works for our daily life.
For instance, Adolf Hitler.
I learned that he had not listened to people quite seriously, thus he had lost many opportunities to accomplish what he desired. Also, I discovered that his understanding of Jewish people were not true. In fact, some of them were willing to help germany to make a come back.
As a conclusion, history may not give us the result of studying so easily. However, by learning what have happened in the past, we can appreciate and understand our ancestors and consequences of actions.
Especially studying about the fails, is a shortcut of improving our life as well as our future.
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end of the essay
Thank you for reading my essay and I'm looking forward to your reply
