Essay for improvment. Please provide your feedback.

[ashok4ielts]

Topic
International travel is cheaper than ever before, and more countries have opened their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Stratgy
Scope: International travel (foreign visitors, travel abroad), cheap travel (inexpensive, less costly affair)
Discussion
Pov1: loss of cultural view
Pov2: Moe business opportunity

These days international travel has become more alluring and less costly affair. There has been many reason of this increased trend, worth mentioning are easy access to information over internet, curiosity to know foreign culture and places. However, some believe that easier access to foreign locations comes with disadvantages while other thinks that it has more advantages. In this essay it will be discussed in the above mentioned order.

On the one hand, there are strong believer that cheaper travel abroad come with its own disadvantages. For example there will be a loss of original cultural view of a site/city which host famous landmarks due to that fact that it will be surrounded by shops of international brands such as McDonalds. Increase in such activity will have negative impact and it is possible that there will be a complete loss of cultural view. Therefor it is understood that cheap travel comes with its own drawback.

On the other hand, it has been observed that it has a positive influence for new business entrepreneurs. For example if a company wants to expand its business ventures abroad, then it's easy and economical to do so. This will bring benefit for both the company and the country, such as more employment, products and services. With this example it’s clear that why there are more supporters to this point of view that less expensive travel to abroad is beneficial.

In above paragraphs both views ‘loss of traditional look’ and ‘more new business opportunities’ has been discussed. Looking at future prospective of cheaper visit to foreign lands outweigh the disadvantages.

----------
I know there improvement areas.. Could you please suggest.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Free tool used: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... t-analyser"

53.01% complex vocdabulary used.

Primary words repeating more than twice = =

Primary Keywords Frequency
travel 4
more 4
view 3
foreign 3
business 3
disadvantages 3
example 3
abroad 3
such 3

Reasonable vocabulary - quite a lot of errors.


Topic
International travel is cheaper than ever before, and more countries have opened their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Stratgy
Scope: International travel (foreign visitors, travel abroad), cheap travel (inexpensive, less costly affair)
Discussion
Pov1: loss of cultural view
Pov2: Moe business opportunity


These days international travel has become more alluring and ("a") less costly affair. There ("have") has been many ("reasons") reason of this increased trend, ("and") worth mentioning are easy access to information over ("the") internet, ("and") curiosity to know ("a") foreign culture and places. However, some believe that easier access to foreign locations ("come") comes with disadvantages while ("others think") other thinks that it has more advantages. In this essay it will be discussed in the ("above-mentioned") above mentioned order.

On the one hand, there are strong ("believers") believer that cheaper travel abroad ("comes) come with its own disadvantages. For example there will be a loss of ("the") original cultural ("character") view of a site/city which ("hosts") host famous landmarks due to that fact that it will be surrounded by shops of international brands such as ("McDonald's") McDonalds. ("This") Increase in such activity will have ("a") negative impact and it is possible that there will be a complete loss of cultural ("identity") view. Therefore it is understood that cheap travel comes with its own drawback.

On the other hand, it has been observed that it has a positive influence for new business entrepreneurs. For example if a company wants to expand its business ventures abroad, then ("it is") it's easy and economical to do so. This will bring benefit for both the company and the country, such as more employment, products and services. With this example ("it is") it’s clear (no "that") that why there are more supporters to this point of view that less expensive travel (no "to") to abroad is beneficial.

In ("the") above paragraphs both views ‘loss of traditional look’ and ‘more new business opportunities’ ("have") has been discussed. Looking at ("the") future(", the prospect") prospective of cheaper ("visits") visit to foreign lands ("outweighs") outweigh the disadvantages.