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help me to evaluate my Task 2, please

Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 10:52 am
by Sardorn
In some countries it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

There is a widely held perception in many parts of the world today that people over the age of 50 are not able to get jobs, despite great deal of experience of them. But, from my perspective, such experience could be helpful in practical way. This essay will intend some reasons and solutions to this issue as well.

First of all, it is indisputable fact that, to be an employee is the main issue of every single human, despite the age. As a result of difficulties, day by day the population of the whole world is growing up. India and China are particularly solid examples of this. Further, there are some companies and organizations, which managed ages of workers. They aim to inculate new ideas to their work process. In addition government should allow to work young generation, on whose education a great deal of money is spent.

In order to resolve this problem, I believe the government and companies should permit young generation to work, because of their ideas. But, I fell that it would be better, if they set a well-experienced one as a teacher to the workers, who sit on a serious place such as engineers, directrors as well. Owing to this the new ideas of youth and the big experience of seniors will be combined. And the efficiency will rise as well.

To put a nutshell, I pen down saying that this problem is unlikely to be resolved in the short term. However, it is by no means insurmountable, and I am convinced that the experience of people over the age of 50 is needed.

Re: help me to evaluate my Task 2, please

Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 1:42 pm
by ieltsband8
i am not an expert i am also preparing for ielts. here are my views on your essay.I believe overall your essay is good but you need concentrate more on task response.

in your introduction you need to paraphrase you need to show the examiner that you say the same thing differently for example people over the age of 50 elderly people over 50

your topic sentence of first paragraph does not make sense to me. the purpose of topic sentence is to direct the readers what the paragraph is about. i would write something like this Major reason elderly professionals struggle to get employment is


in paragraph two you need to provide measure to solve the problem as question states
what measures could be taken to solve it?
your topic sentence in second paragraph does not answer the question

in order to resolve this problem, I believe the government and companies should permit young generation to work, because of their ideas.


how can this be solved by providing more opportunities to younger generation ?

Re: help me to evaluate my Task 2, please

Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:09 pm
by Flick
Sardorn wrote:In some countries it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

There is a widely held perception in many parts of the world today that people over the age of 50 are not able to get jobs, despite having a great deal of experience. But from my perspective, such experience could be helpful in a practical way. This essay will discuss some reasons and solutions to this issue as well.

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that to be an employee is the main goal of every single human, despite age. Day by day the population of the whole world is growing. India and China are particularly solid examples of this. Further, there are some companies and organizations which manage the ages of workers. They aim to inculate new ideas to their work process. In addition, the government should allow the younger generation, on whose education a great deal of money is spent, to work.

In order to resolve this problem, I believe the government and companies should permit the younger generation to work because of their ideas. But, I feel that it would be better if they set a well-experienced employee as a teacher to the newer workers, especially in positions like engineers and directors. Owing to this, the new ideas of youth and the experience of seniors will be combined. And efficiency will rise as well.

In summary, this problem is unlikely to be resolved in the short term. However, it is by no means insurmountable, and I am convinced that the experience of people over the age of 50 is needed.