gender schooling essay please check and rate

[ieltsband8]

Essay question from Cambridge book 8.

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about single and co-education schooling systems. While single-sex schools limit the opposite gender interactions, I believe mixed sex education is better, as it provide pupils with the opportunity to understand and develop various skills to deal with their counter-parts. .

There are good grounds to make an argument in favor of teaching girls and boys separately. One significant argument is that in single gender classrooms students are more focused in comparison to mixed gender classes. The reason for this is students are less distracted by their opposite genders and this helps students to concentrate better while studying. Another positive aspect of teaching students by genders is it helps teachers, as male and female pupils have different interest and needs. For example, female students who are intimidated by their opposite gender often fail to perform up to their true potential in male dominant subjects such as science and math. Teaching separately would definitely benefit both the students and the teachers.

On the other hand, there are also sound reasons to support mixed-sex schooling. One of the most compelling reasons is that, students learn to interact and build team work skills with their opposite sex-classmates. For instance, starting to participate in mixed group activities from early stages of their lives develops confidence, cooperation, and interpersonal skills among students and these are no doubt the most essential skills for their later work environment. A further point is that, this also instills a sense of gender equality in students, which is absolutely necessary to build a morally and economically healthier society.

In conclusion, I believe that, as single sexed school fail to provide children the opportunity to learn communication and other vital skills with their opposite genders, studying in mixed gender environment is probably a suitable option.
(295) words.

[IELTS Liz]

Hi,

Well done! An excellent essay both in terms of language and academic skills for IELTS. It would certainly get a band 8. Below are some comments to help you see your strengths and also areas where you can still develop. I would not call these areas of weakness as it's a very good essay but I do want to show you how you can still improve and do even better.

Task Response - you have fulfilled the task given to you by discussing both sides impartially and also given a clear position (a clear opinion). Your ideas are relevant and supported. However, your opinion is only given in brief. Equal weight is given to discussing both sides and giving your opinion so don't be too short with your opinion. If you wish to give your opinion in the conclusion, then do so but add an extra sentence to support it more fully. I know some teachers suggest only giving one sentence in the conclusion but high scores in task response are based on extending and developing main points.

Coherence and Cohesion - very well organised with excellent linking. Without doubt this would be band 8 or above. Could it be improved? Here's one small suggestion: "Teaching separately would definitely benefit both the students and the teachers." = "Teaching separately would, therefore, definitely benefit ....". This sentence would benefit from a linker. Not all linkers need to be at the beginning of a sentence. However, on the whole, this criterion is one of your strengths.

Vocabulary - excellent and highly accurate. Certainly a strength.

Grammar - a good range of complex sentence structures which could get you a band 8. However, there are a few errors which may bring you down to 7.5. Noun verb agreement (remembering the third person singular ('s') / plural nouns / articles (a/the etc)

...as it provide pupils with the opportunity... = ... as it provides pupils with an opportunity ...
...students are less distracted by their opposite genders ... = ... students are less distracted by the opposite gender... (no 's')
...teaching students by genders... = ... teaching students by gender.. (no 's')
...as male and female pupils have different interest and needs ... = ... interests (you need plural here)

Another area to watch is your topics sentences which are present are very similar (almost repetitive).

There are good grounds to make an argument in favor of teaching girls and boys separately. / On the other hand, there are also sound reasons to support mixed-sex schooling.

You could change the second topic sentence - On the other hand, the reasons behind the popularity of mixed-sex schooling are certainly sound. One of the most compelling being that students learn ...

Good luck with your IELTS. You're doing very well and are on course to get an excellent result.
All the best
Liz

[ieltsband8]

Honestly Liz, I have no words to thank you for such a detailed feedback .Excellent suggestions, this can only come from someone who is well experienced and take genuine interest to help Ielts students. Following your lessons have helped me to improve and I am very confident that, this would definitely help me to secure a higher band score in ielts. I truly appreciate your help and guidance.

By the way, I am from Pakistan and I am taking ielts test on 10 of January 2015 and I'll share my results with you

Thanks again