Hi,Todays, online shopping is increasing at a rapid pace. This can be seen as billions of online transactions are happening on the daily basis. Despite many advantages of this trend, there are some disadvantages as well. Both advantages and disadvantages will be discussed in this essay.
On the bright side, the trend for online shopping encourages new entrepreneurs. This is because opening a new shop requires huge amount of investments. For example, a well-furnished shop at a good location requires a huge upfront investment. But in the case of online shop, one only needs a website which is accessible to customers worldwide. Cost of developing a website is negligible when compare to opening a store at an accessible location. Hence increasing online shopping trend is a positive sign for entrepreneurs.
On the contrary, buying and selling skills will deteriorate because of this increasing online shopping trend. For instance, Jordan Belfort, a famous sales trainer, considers face to face communication as a key requirement for increasing ones sales skills. Moreover, when buying bargaining is essential and bargaining skill can only be honed through one to one communication. Therefore the trend for online shopping is not fruitful in sharpening buying and selling skills. Due to the reasons stated above many consider increasing trend in online shopping a negative trend.
To conclude, increasing trend for online shopping is advantageous from the point of view of entrepreneurs and many consider this trend as disadvantageous because this weakens the buying and selling skills of individuals. It is predicted that this online shopping trend will groom further in the upcoming years.
In this essay you've shown some very good English language. However there are a number of things you can do to improve your writing for the IELTS test. Below is advice based on each of the criteria used in task 2.
Task Repsonse - the key here is to spend more time thinking about the statement. This statement is about shopping online compared to going to a store to buy things. Is it about shopping or about having a business online compared to a store front? To be honest, this is about people shopping in a shop or going online not about people running a shop.
So, the advantages of shopping online are that it is more time effective and convenient as it can be done anywhere at any time.
The disadvantages of this are that small shops are unable to compete with online shops which means local communities will suffer as a consequence. In other words, people will do their shopping online rather than go into town. Another problem is being able to check the quality or goods as you cannot actually touch them to try them.
So, while this essay is very good, you are slightly off topic.
Coherence and Cohesion. You are very good at organising your ideas into paragraphs which should get you band score 8. Unfortunately, your mistakes with linkers will reduce than score down to band score 6.5. Lets have a look at some of your mistakes. "On the bright side" is an informal idiom used for speaking not academic writing. Another mistake - "but / and / because" can never be used at the start of a sentence because they are conjunctions which connect two sentences together. All other linking words, you have used very well. If you avoid errors you will do very well in this criteria.
Vocabulary: This is your strength. Flexible with some less common words. Certainly band score 7.5 or even band 8. However, careful of typos. In your conclusion you should write "bloom" not "groom".
Grammar: You have a good range of sentences but you could improve on them. In the example below, I have changed one proposition, one article and also used a linker to connect the sentences.
For example, a well-furnished shop at a good location requires a huge upfront investment. But in the case of online shop, one only needs a website which is accessible to customers worldwide.
For example, a well-furnished shop in a good location requires a huge upfront investment while in the case of an online shop, one only needs a website which is accessible to customers worldwide.
so, on the whole. It's a good essay but you must work on:
Understanding what the statement / task is actually about.
Developing ideas relevant to the actual task.
Using accurate linkers.
Working on higher level grammar.
You have the ability to aim for around 7.5 if you work on your weaknesses.
I hope that helps.
All the best
Liz