pls rate the letter! Lost Property Department

[ramogi]

Situation
on your return from Sydney, where you attended a conference, you accidentally left a bag in the taxi at the airport. Among other things, it contained a copy of the research paper you gave at the conference. You rang the lost Property Department of the taxi company but they were rude and unhelpful.

Write a letter to the Lost Property Department at the taxi company. In your letter

* advice them of the circumstances in which you lost your bag

* provide details about the bag and its contents

* complain in about their lack of help in this matter



10th October 2014


Dear Sir/Madam


Subject: Complaint against Property Department, seek help


On 8th October, while traveling to Sydney airport from the hotel, I left my black bag accidentally in the taxi I used to commute. Taxi No. (ABC1234). The incident happened around 2 pm. I was in Sydney to attend a conference and it got delayed which created the rush and since I was getting late to catch the flight I left my bag in the taxi by mistake.


The bag is black brief case and contains a research paper and other other professional documents pertaining to the Conference "Digital Marketing" and copies of my personal identity.


I called up the Lost Property Department but to no avail. The staff was rude and unhelpful. I am writing to you to seek help in getting the documents back. Please help me courier the documents to my address (ABC Apartments, Locality XYZ, New Delhi, India). I am willing to borne the courier charges. If I do not get satisfaction, I might be forced to use legal advice.


Yours sincerely

Ramogi

[IELTS Liz]

Hi,

It's a good letter on the whole. You've addressed the task, you've filled in the appropriate details, you have a good structure to your letter and then tone and style are appropriate to the type of letter. You're looking at about a band score 7.

Areas to work on:

With a formal letter in IELTS, you need to write a full sentence for the subject of the letter rather than a reference point. So instead of writing Subject: Complaint against Property Department, seek help, you need to write: I am writing regarding the poor customer service I received from the Property Department on October 8th. IELTS is a language test so it's important to write full sentences to show the level of your grammar.

Again, another example of where you can write a full sentence is when you gave this information: Taxi No. (ABC1234). to get a better band score in IELTS, don't write such short sentences and, instead, link it to another sentence. So change On 8th October, while traveling to Sydney airport from the hotel, I left my black bag accidentally in the taxi I used to commute. Taxi No. (ABC1234). . and write: On 8th October, while travelling to Sydney airport from the hotel, I accidentally left my black bag in a taxi, which had the number ABC 1234.

Be careful with the use of the word staff. I would recommend you write: The member of staff who answered the call was extremely rude and unhelpful. This sentence also adds a clause which helps your band score.

Another correction to point out is the sentence: I am willing to borne the courier charges instead write I am more than willing to cover the cost of a courier.

The final point is signing off. This is a formal letter so only writing your first name is in appropriate. You would need to sign off:

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Yours sincerely,

Mr R Bennett

The above points should help you push your band score higher although I think you've already done very well.
Here's a link to more advice about letter writing in IELTS: http://www.ieltsliz.com/ielts-letter-wr ... ntial-tips
All the best
Liz

[ramogi]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will make a note of the same. Really helpful. I will try and write better essays/letters.