Please take time to check Academic Writing Task1 (1st timer)
Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:59 am
*Attached is my Academic Writing Task 1
*this was my first try so go easy on me! Just kidding
i need constructive criticisms on how to improve and please also indicate the parts I did or didn't do right.
*If possible, it would also help me if someone grades my work (based on ielts bands)
Thank you very much to anyone willing to do so!
My answer:
The bar graph clearly illustrates the results of a survey about adult education and the reasons as to why they decided to study. Interest in subject was the main factor among 40% of the respondents, followed closely by their need to gain qualifications, at 38%. Moreover, 22% of them found education helpful for their current job and 20% even believe that it could improve their chances for a promotion. Meeting new people, changing their jobs, and enjoying learning were some of the other respondents' significant reasons to study as an adult; garnering 9%, 12%, and 20%, respectively.
The pie chart, on the other hand, shows the division of costs of each course according to the respondents. Results revealed that 40% of the weight of obligation should go to the individual, himself, while the 35% and 25% of the course costs would be shouldered by the employers and taxpayers, respectively.
*I just noticed I'm under 150 words!!!
how can I lengthen my work without being redundant? 
*this was my first try so go easy on me! Just kidding
i need constructive criticisms on how to improve and please also indicate the parts I did or didn't do right.*If possible, it would also help me if someone grades my work (based on ielts bands)
Thank you very much to anyone willing to do so!
My answer:
The bar graph clearly illustrates the results of a survey about adult education and the reasons as to why they decided to study. Interest in subject was the main factor among 40% of the respondents, followed closely by their need to gain qualifications, at 38%. Moreover, 22% of them found education helpful for their current job and 20% even believe that it could improve their chances for a promotion. Meeting new people, changing their jobs, and enjoying learning were some of the other respondents' significant reasons to study as an adult; garnering 9%, 12%, and 20%, respectively.
The pie chart, on the other hand, shows the division of costs of each course according to the respondents. Results revealed that 40% of the weight of obligation should go to the individual, himself, while the 35% and 25% of the course costs would be shouldered by the employers and taxpayers, respectively.
*I just noticed I'm under 150 words!!!
how can I lengthen my work without being redundant?