Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2 of Jan 10, 2015 IELTS

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
SaraZh
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 10:52 am

Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2 of Jan 10, 2015 IELTS

Post by SaraZh »

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is highly debatable whether leaders should always be the seniors within an organisation. Undoubtedly, senior members are more likely to be qualified for leader roles; however, it is also true that young people can fit this position as they tend to be more innovative. In my opinion, the requirements for being a good leader vary across industries and sometimes the age is not essential.

Older people are ideally suited for the leader or director positions in the industries where experience usually outweighs creative thinking, such as accounting and legal services. This is because senior staffs are more capable of communicating with clients, managing projects and most importantly providing professional advice. In contrast, due to the complexity of the accounting and legal practices, junior staffs are not qualified to work independently before passing the professional examinations and working under the guidance of mentors for several years. Therefore, it is rare to find a young employee being offered a managerial position in these industries.

To the contrary, talented young leaders are more desirable in Information Technology industry, as creative ideas and technological innovation are the driving forces of company growth. This has been proven by the remarkable success of Bill Gates of Microsoft and Steven Jobs of Apple, both of whom invented cutting-edge IT related products and directed their companies to become the Fortune 500 companies. Older generation appears to be more conservative, less innovative and more risk-adverse. As a result, research and development intensive, costly but promising projects can be rejected by the senior manager simply because he/she is not willing to take the risk.

In conclusion, either old or young people can be successful leaders. The age does not really matter as long as they have the abilities of leading a team or an organisation.
User avatar
Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2 of Jan 10, 2015 IE

Post by Flick »

SaraZh wrote:Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is highly debatable whether leaders should always be the seniors within an organisation. Undoubtedly, senior members are more likely to be qualified for leadership roles; however, it is also true that young people can fit this position as they tend to be more innovative. In my opinion, the requirements for being a good leader vary across industries and sometimes age is not essential.

Older people are ideally suited for the leadership or director positions in the industries where experience usually outweighs creative thinking, such as accounting and legal services. This is because senior staff are more capable of communicating with clients, managing projects and most importantly, providing professional advice. In contrast, due to the complexity of accounting and legal practices, junior staff are not qualified to work independently before passing the professional examinations and work under the guidance of mentors for several years. Therefore, it is rare to find a young employee being offered a managerial position in these industries.

To the contrary, talented young leaders are more desirable in the Information Technology industry, as creative ideas and technological innovation are the driving forces of company growth. This has been proven by the remarkable success of Bill Gates of Microsoft and Steve Jobs of Apple, both of whom invented cutting-edge IT related products and directed their companies to become Fortune 500 companies. The older generation appears to be more conservative, less innovative and more risk-adverse. As a result, research and development intensive, costly but promising projects can be rejected by the senior manager simply because he/she is not willing to take the risk.

In conclusion, both old and young people can be successful leaders. Age does not really matter as long as they have the ability to lead a team or an organisation.
SaraZh
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 10:52 am

Re: Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2 of Jan 10, 2015 IE

Post by SaraZh »

Flick wrote:
SaraZh wrote:Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is highly debatable whether leaders should always be the seniors within an organisation. Undoubtedly, senior members are more likely to be qualified for leadership roles; however, it is also true that young people can fit this position as they tend to be more innovative. In my opinion, the requirements for being a good leader vary across industries and sometimes age is not essential.

Older people are ideally suited for the leadership or director positions in the industries where experience usually outweighs creative thinking, such as accounting and legal services. This is because senior staff are more capable of communicating with clients, managing projects and most importantly, providing professional advice. In contrast, due to the complexity of accounting and legal practices, junior staff are not qualified to work independently before passing the professional examinations and work under the guidance of mentors for several years. Therefore, it is rare to find a young employee being offered a managerial position in these industries.

To the contrary, talented young leaders are more desirable in the Information Technology industry, as creative ideas and technological innovation are the driving forces of company growth. This has been proven by the remarkable success of Bill Gates of Microsoft and Steve Jobs of Apple, both of whom invented cutting-edge IT related products and directed their companies to become Fortune 500 companies. The older generation appears to be more conservative, less innovative and more risk-adverse. As a result, research and development intensive, costly but promising projects can be rejected by the senior manager simply because he/she is not willing to take the risk.

In conclusion, both old and young people can be successful leaders. Age does not really matter as long as they have the ability to lead a team or an organisation.

Hi Flick! Thanks for your correction. I've sit for the exam for a few times and I'm aiming at four 7s, but my writing fluctuated in the range between 6 to 7. Could you pls give my some comment about my writing?
sahilchaudhary
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:41 am

Re: Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2 of Jan 10, 2015 IE

Post by sahilchaudhary »

Your essay is good.
I have also got 6.5 twice in IELTS. I am also aiming for 7 in each, but I got stuck both times in writing.

Please check and review my essays posted on this website.
Post Reply