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Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 5:56 pm
by tjulkinav
A lot of people say that the production of more and more goods is always a good thing for the economy. If the production grows, so the employment is grown too. There are less unemployed people. Export becomes a very important part of economy. Every country with developed production can be very popular with other countries.
However, I think that situation should be the opposite.It does not mean that economy and raiting of the country are unimportant. I believe that people should think more about their social life. They need to work not only for quantity but especially for quality too. When we do something without thinking about it, it can not be good.
Another reason against such growth is that we know : «Money does not make us happy». When we forget about our human skills and do everything for material benefit,we can lose all our kindness , we become more like robots. In our minds are only ‘money, work, new car and so on’. It is much better to think about books, operas, music and family. The main thing of our life is family, we prefer not to build it. It is much better to be alone, because you have no time for yourself and where are you going to find motivation for family.
So, with more production, you will have much less time and that is why fewer positive emotions.
Just think, you have a lot of money, your country is one of the most developed countries all over the world, but you have nothing ‘holy’. Do you need all your success?
I hope, that my position is clearly demonstrated and good argued; and you understand, what I mean.

Re: Pls grade/correct my essay for Task 2

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2015 10:03 pm
by Flick
tjulkinav wrote:A lot of people say that the production of more and more goods is always a good thing for the economy. As production grows, so employment grows, too. There are fewer unemployed people. Export becomes a very important part of the economy. Every country with developed production can be very popular with other countries.

However, I think that the situation should be the opposite. It does not mean that economy and rating of the country are unimportant. I believe that people should think more about their social life. They need to work not only for quantity but for quality, too. When we do something without thinking about it, it can not be good.

Another reason against such growth is that we know "Money does not make us happy." When we forget about our human skills and do everything for material benefit, we can lose all our kindness, we become more like robots. In our minds are only money, work, new car, and so on. It is much better to think about books, operas, music and family. The main thing in life is family, we prefer not to build it.(<--I don't understand what you mean. Prefer not to build what?) It is much better to be alone, because you have no time for yourself and where are you going to find motivation for family.(<--I don't understand this sentence. Your meaning is not clear.)

So, with more production, you will have much less time and fewer positive emotions.
Just think, you have a lot of money, your country is one of the most developed countries in the world, but you have nothing ‘holy’. Do you need all your success?
I hope, that my position is clearly demonstrated and good argued; and you understand, what I mean. (<--Is this the final sentence in your essay? It should not be included.)