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Hi,

Please evaluate my writing task 2:


Some People think that the teenage are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is natural that the responsibility grows with the age throughout human’s life. The understanding of happiest stages of one’s life varies from person to person and this also depends on one’s personal circumstances during different stages of life. On one hand, many believe that the teenage are the happiest times of life with little responsibilities which allow them to pursue extra curriculum activities of their interest. On the other, many believe that adult life bring more happiness in monetary terms which allow them to pursue and achieve their personal interests which they could not pursue when at teenage. Both these ideas will be discussed in detail before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
On one hand, many people consider their teenage as the happiest period of life. With fewer responsibilities and sufficient time after studies, they can pursue extra curriculum activities of their interest. For example, some teenagers would like to play games such as football, cricket etc., while others would like to play computer games or surfing internet. Teenagers tend to do activities which attract them and in doing so, they feel happy. Most youngsters are supported by their parents and do not have to worry about their financial requirements. This situation allows them to have a happy life. It is for this reason why many think that teenage are the happiest times of most people’s lives.
On the other hand, many believe that adult live gives more happiness despite of the growing responsibilities. When earning adequate amount, one can pursue his or her personal interest which they could not have when at teenage, because of age limit or due to lack of finances. For instance, I always dreamed of having a sports car when I was a teenager. Despite of other responsibilities I had, I managed to arrange the funds to buy this after having worked for several years. After having it achieved, it gave me immense pleasure and happiness. This is why, many like me, think that adult life brings more happiness
After analyzing the happiness, teenage and adult life brings to life, it is argued that adult life brings more happiness in life through monetary terms and gives a feeling of achievement. It is recommended that everyone weather teenager or adult should lead their life to make it the happiest one. 

Hi Iffi,

Seems like you have been practicing hard, when are you having your test?

I have few comments as follows:

+ Your first sentence of your intro: in my opinion, you should mention "happiness" in this sentence. Since your essay discusses about "happiness", your mentioning of people's growing responsibilities as aging seems misleading - It makes your audience think about different topic instead, which is not what you want.

+ You could write your topic sentence clearer: I could rewrite your first topic sentence as: "One one hand, many people consider their teenage the happiest time for having fewer responsibilities, they could pursue other interests outside studies." - something like that, and same with the second paragraph.

+ Also, please check your spelling and punctuation as some are not appropriate.

Hope that helps.

Chi

Hi Chi, Thank you for your response. Point noted. I have reviewed it accordingly and made some changes in the topic. I will re post the task with corrections today. Also i will post another task i have written.

I will take the IELTS GT test on 8th March.

Being a celebrity – such as famous film star or sports personality – brings problems and benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

It is obvious that most celebrities emerge from the fields related to entertainment and sports. It is the celebrities who have the fame, wealth and all other facilities of life that one can imagine. Being a celebrity has both positive and negative sides. It is argued that being a celebrity brings more problems which outweigh its benefits. The manner in which the personal privacy and normal life is affected will be discussed in this essay.

Firstly, being a celebrity does not allow any privacy in daily life anymore. Celebrities are always in the close eye of media like newspaper, television and magazines and are closely monitored for their habits, routines and daily activities. For example, Imran Khan, a famous cricketer turned politician, is a well-known celebrity around the world. Legends like him are always in the public eye and are always evaluated for their habits and activities in daily life. Fans are also keen to know about the activities of their favorite stars. This shows that being a public figure is an invasion of privacy. Thus, the negative aspect of being a celebrity can be clearly seen.

Secondly, being a celebrity means one cannot live a normal life anymore. For instance, imagine the situation if Angelina Julie starts visiting normal market places on daily basis, she would be encircled by public for autographs and pictures. Similarly famous stars like these cannot visit places like a normal person. They have to lead a secluded life style and might face problems like frustration and isolation in the later part of life. Thus, it is for this reason that the idea of becoming a celebrity is not supported.

In summary, a celebrity does not have privacy in personal life and cannot live a normal life. It is agreed that becoming a celebrity has more disadvantages than advantages. It is recommended that life should be led as a normal person with focus towards success.