Please assess my writing (Task 2)

[looim]

Nowadays many people following fashion trends and think that it’s very important. Is it a good or bad development? Include reasons and examples from your personal experience.


It is unquestionable that people nowadays are constantly worry and pressured by their social status and that include physical appearance. Realistically speaking, people tend to judge a book by its cover. For instance, a man who drives a luxury car is remark as a wealthy man. I this case, people would eventually pursuit the latest fashion style in order to give themselves the best as many of showing their status in the society. This phenomenon will be discussed in this easy before a reasoned conclusion is draw.

Perhaps the principal reason for people aspire after the latest fashion trend is greatly influenced by the popularity of Korean drama recently. An illustration that the garment or accessories wore by the drama actors will be the icons of the latest fashion and would pursuing by some peoples. Typically, this can be dangerous as it encourage us to spend without thinking.

The second point to make is that the huge impact of globalization to many countries across the world. By the assisting of mass media and the Internet, the luxury brand of fashion will eventually profound many people that what people are consuming is less the clothing itself but a cool attitude. For example, teenagers who know a little about branded fashion today is out of date and lags far behind among their peers. Consequently, some people are excessive desire on fashion that helps them to boost up their image.

My conclusion is that while we pursuit on the latest fashion that have good impact on personal. However, it should be balance with one’s financial status and intention rather than on impulse.

[sandeep2206]

It is unquestionable that nowadays people are more worried about their social status and physical appearance. Frankly speaking, people tend to judge a book by its cover. For instance, a man who drives a luxury car is automatically considered ( remarked) as a wealthy man. I this case, people would eventually pursuit the latest fashion style in order to give themselves the best as many of showing their status in the society( I couldn't understand it). This phenomenon will be discussed in this easy before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

Perhaps(,) people might have inspired mostly by a latest Korean drama. People blindly followed the fashion of artists acted in that movie. This clearly shows how people can get motivated by the fashion in movies

Hey ! I just tried to correct few mistakes. I think you should try to avoid complex sentences at this stage. So you will make less mistakes. Wait for others review. Gud luck