would you please grade my writing i am looking for band 6.5

[moza]

Even though Globalization affects the world’s economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. Discuss.


There is no debate that globalization has negative and positive impacts in our world. Deeply, it has great influence on countries’ economies, education, health and other industries. In this essay, I will discuss the drawbacks and upsides of having globalization.
First of all, globalization increases the competition between companies which reflects positively in employment trends of the countries by offering and allotting many job opportunities. In addition, this competition provides more chance of innovation and creativity in order to improve commodities and service for end consumers.
People have great access to foreign culture in the form of movies, music, food, clothes and more without the needs of travelling. In other words, world has more choices.
Nevertheless, the benefits of globalization are not universal for plosive reasons. One of which is that the rich countries become richer whereas poor countries become poorer than before. More obvious, rich countries apply the concept of Interdependence which means they depend on poor countries to develop and improve their economy. India is an example of this where we can see a great amount of their population is working abroad with cheap salary in order to educate and feed their families.
Although globalization aids to spread widely the culture of countries by allowing people interact and share but it also the beginning of culture and tradition loss which later on result negatively next generation. In addition, the appearance of fast food in people food chain such as Mcdonalds and Burger King means more consumption of junk foods as a result, people health get worries.
All in all it can be said that the effects of globalization are enormous. It is important to overcome the negative effects of globalization in order to keep the stabilization between people all around the world.

[sos1947]

mozo I liked your essay and the best thing about your essay is your topic vocabulary. I think you would get 6.5 However, I see that you took this essay a little too far by telling about junk food restaurants "Mcdonalds and Burger King", which is not required.



I think you can get your essay checked with some experienced instructor like "OnlineEnglishTeacher" or "Ryan" for grammar.

[moza]

mozo I liked your essay and the best thing about your essay is your topic vocabulary. I think you would get 6.5 However, I see that you took this essay a little too far by telling about junk food restaurants "Mcdonalds and Burger King", which is not required.



I think you can get your essay checked with some experienced instructor like "OnlineEnglishTeacher" or "Ryan" for grammar.

Thank you and i will look at the OnlineEnglishTeacher and about "Ryan" can i use the email to contact with him

[Flick]

Even though Globalization affects the world’s economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. Discuss.


There is no debate that globalization has negative and positive impacts in our world. It has great influence on countries’ economies, education, health and other industries. In this essay, I will discuss the drawbacks and upsides of globalization.

First of all, globalization increases the competition between companies, which reflects positively on employment trends of the countries by offering and allotting many job opportunities. In addition, this competition provides more opportunities for innovation and creativity in order to improve products and services for end consumers.

People have great access to foreign cultures in the form of movies, music, food, clothes and more without the needs of travelling. In other words, the world has more choices.

Nevertheless, the benefits of globalization are not universal for several reasons. One of which is that rich countries become richer whereas poor countries become poorer than before.(<--Why? can you give an example or explanation?) More obvious, rich countries apply the concept of Interdependence, which means they depend on poor countries to develop and improve their economy. India is an example of this where we can see a great amount of their population is working abroad for a cheap salary in order to educate and feed their families.

Although globalization helps to widely spread the culture of countries by allowing people to interact and share, it also is the beginning of culture and tradition loss which later on may impact negatively on the next generation. In addition, the appearance of fast food in popular food chaind such as McDonalds and Burger King means more consumption of junk foods. As a result, people's health may be impacted.

All in all it can be said that the effects of globalization are enormous. It is important to overcome the negative effects of globalization in order to maintain stabilization between people all around the world.