Task 2 Writing (Target Band 8+)
Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:21 am
Hello all,
I would appreciate any feedback on my writing and which band level it would achieve.
Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Do you agree or disagree?
The younger generations have been scrutinized by their increasingly violent behavior nowadays. Many sources place the blame for these inappropriate actions on the media. However, the news outlets should not be the focus of attention. Governments and parents should be the primary targets of this argument.
Firstly, it is the government’s duty to reduce tensions that lead to these bad habits developing with the youth community. In Detroit, for example, poor economic and social conditions have led to friction in the society that leads to increased injury and death rate among younger citizens. It is the sole responsibility of the government to improve the average socioeconomic status of its residents. This would result in reduced crime rates among the youth.
Secondly, the parents must sway their children towards a safer and more viable future. For instance, the Mormon youth community in Utah is included in the demographic with the lowest crime rates in the region. Mormon families are known to have extensive persuasion in their children’s growth towards a successful adulthood. Other parents can learn from this excerpt and set a good example for their own kids’ future. These kids would be less likely to commit fraudulent acts with proper parental guidance.
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of governments and parents to stray the youth away from harmful behavior in the community. Therefore, the media is not the main culprit of this topic. I would recommend governments to implement more youth clubs and parents to be more involved in the steps towards their children’s future.
Word count: 256
Thank you,
Bas
I would appreciate any feedback on my writing and which band level it would achieve.
Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Do you agree or disagree?
The younger generations have been scrutinized by their increasingly violent behavior nowadays. Many sources place the blame for these inappropriate actions on the media. However, the news outlets should not be the focus of attention. Governments and parents should be the primary targets of this argument.
Firstly, it is the government’s duty to reduce tensions that lead to these bad habits developing with the youth community. In Detroit, for example, poor economic and social conditions have led to friction in the society that leads to increased injury and death rate among younger citizens. It is the sole responsibility of the government to improve the average socioeconomic status of its residents. This would result in reduced crime rates among the youth.
Secondly, the parents must sway their children towards a safer and more viable future. For instance, the Mormon youth community in Utah is included in the demographic with the lowest crime rates in the region. Mormon families are known to have extensive persuasion in their children’s growth towards a successful adulthood. Other parents can learn from this excerpt and set a good example for their own kids’ future. These kids would be less likely to commit fraudulent acts with proper parental guidance.
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of governments and parents to stray the youth away from harmful behavior in the community. Therefore, the media is not the main culprit of this topic. I would recommend governments to implement more youth clubs and parents to be more involved in the steps towards their children’s future.
Word count: 256
Thank you,
Bas
