please evaluate this essay Academic writing --TASK 2

[caraback]

the theme is GAP YEAR advantages and disadvantages


With the concept of Gap Year being spread widely which refers to young people are able to have a long trip before their college life, Some people strongly recommend it to young students. Whereas there are always two sides for a certain view.

Considering the advantages of gap year, in the first place, students who are just graduate from high school could find out their preference, through one year’s work. The only way to know it is by doing this, it offers a significant reference as students choosing their major. Otherwise they may lose the passion of their college life once a wrong decision is being made. On the their life and broaden their horizons which is exactly. the bedrock of development and value. When the students enter the college, they will obtain a unique social network and positive attitude towards their life and research.

However is no doubt that risks are exsisting for ever students. In terms of the teenagers who lack self-control it is absolutely the waste of time. With the poor management for their gap year, they may addict to computer games or comfortable life. As a result, the initial goal of gap year will be break and misunderstand by the public. Besides, there is another condition for the students who gain the work opportunities, it is possible that they many give up the higher education and continue their work since the independence in economy leads to their loss in education.

On top of that, gap year contributes to the life experience and develop their interests while there is still high risk they are easy to be mislead at this age.

[Flick]

the theme is GAP YEAR advantages and disadvantages


With the concept of Gap Year being spread widely which refers to young people are able to have a long trip before their college life, Some people strongly recommend it to young students.(<--Reword to: "A Gap Year refers to young people taking a year off to travel before beginning their college career. This is a popular concept which is strongly recommended by some people.") Whereas there are always two sides for a certain view.(<--Reword to: "However, there are both advantages and disadvantages to taking a Gap Year. This essay will analyse both before coming to a reasoned conclusion.")

Considering the advantages of gap year, in the first place, students who are just graduate from high school could find out their preference, through one year’s work.(<--Reword to: "One of the biggest advantages of taking a gap year is the chance for students leaving high school to explore their career preferences before spending many years studying for that career.") The only way to know it is by doing this, it offers a significant reference as students choosing their major.(<--Reword to: "By experiencing the work first, students can discover if they enjoy it or not.") Otherwise they may lose passion for their college life once a wrong decision has been made. On the their life and broaden their horizons which is exactly.(<--I do not understand this sentence.) the bedrock of development and value.(<--I do not understand this sentence.) When students enter college, they will obtain a unique social network and positive attitude towards their life and research.(<--What does this have to do with taking a gap year?)

However, there is no doubt that there are risks involved with taking a gap year. In terms of the teenagers who lack self-control, it is absolutely a waste of time. With poor management for their gap year, they may become addicted to computer games or a comfortable life. As a result, the initial goal ofa gap year will be lost and misunderstood by the public. Besides, there is another condition for students who gain work opportunities; it is possible that they may give up higher education and continue their work since the independence in economy leads to their loss in education.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

On top of that, a gap year contributes to life experience and provides the opportunity to develop interests while there is still high risk they are easy to be mislead at this age.(<-- I don't understand this sentence. Is a gap year good or bad? What is your conclusion?)