Please evaluate my writing. 6th Essay

[Prams]

Hi Matthews sir,
Please find below my next writing. Let me know your valuable comments.


Topic: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
To what extent do you agree with this view?

Essay:
Indubitably, commercials are the salient aspect of marketing employed by every company. This phenomenon is quite apparent when we look at the amount of resources spent by any company for publicity of its newly launched products. Although contested by many, it is argued that the few ways of modern advertising are both immoral and improper. Some of the commercials are presented to the viewers without their consent whereas few do mislead them.

Firstly, there are quite a few advertisements which intervenes an individual's personal life. These sorts of advertisements are very irritating. For instance, the popup messages appearing suddenly on the mobile/desktop screens are most of the times annoying for a normal person, as it provides a hindrance to the normal flow of work. Almost 95% of those individuals are not the intended recipients. Thus, these advertisements are not only unacceptable but also unethical.

Moreover, the modern commercials go beyond the limit of acceptable exaggeration in the pursuit of success. These companies believe that these ads will open of avenues for their growth. Take the TV commercial of "Mountain Dew", for example. This advertisement demonstrates the fearless attitude of its consumers. This is very misleading for the viewers. Hence, it can be easily claimed that such false advertisements are immoral.

After analyzing all the aspects of this argument, we can safely conclude that the advertisements are very important for public awareness but it should be honest and not amplified. There are few commercials which do not pertain to the normal ethical behavior just for the growth of their business. To effectively address this issue, companies should come up with more logical ads, which are both fair and acceptable by our society.

Thanks!

[Dr.Matthew]

Hi Prams, I thought I'd responded last eve...my internet is playing up methinks Quick revise: issues that need attention in RED

Essay:
Indubitably, commercials are [a] salient aspect of marketing employed by every company. This phenomenon is quite apparent when we look at the amount of resources spent by any company for publicity of its newly launched products. Although contested by many, it is argued that the few ways of modern advertising are both immoral and improper. Some of the commercials are presented to the viewers without their consent whereas few do mislead them.

Firstly, there are quite a few advertisements which intervenes an individual's personal life. These sorts of advertisements are very irritating. For instance, the popup messages appearing suddenly on the mobile/desktop screens are most of the times annoying for a normal person, as it provides a hindrance to the normal flow of work. Almost 95% of those individuals are not the intended recipients. Thus, these advertisements are not only unacceptable but also unethical.

Moreover, the modern commercials go beyond the limit of acceptable exaggeration in the pursuit of success. These companies believe that these ads will open of avenues for their growth. Take the TV commercial of "Mountain Dew", for example. This advertisement demonstrates the fearless attitude of its consumers. This is very misleading for the viewers. Hence, it can be easily claimed that such false advertisements are immoral.

After analyzing all the aspects of this argument, we can safely conclude that the advertisements are very important for public awareness but it should be honest and not amplified. There are few commercials which do not pertain to the normal ethical behavior just for the growth of their business. To effectively address this issue, companies should come up with more logical ads, which are both fair and acceptable by our society.