please evaluate my WRITING TASK 1. (expected band = 7)

[jesus]

The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology
collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce
reliable forecasts.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown
below.

words = 149

The figure depicts the process how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology gathers information in order to innovate plausible forecasts. According to the image, the process of forecasting highly rely on source of data while main hub is entirely responsible for the outcomes of broadcasting devices.

The process begins when the incoming information is received by the satellite. These data are transferred to a satellite photo, and a radar screen via radar, from satellite. Similarly, a synoptic chart obtains it from those two sources including drifting buoy. These messages are analyzed and forecasted, and then transmitted to main computer.

Those data acquired by main hub are gathered for preparing the broadcast. Once the information has been created for distribution, it is thus conveyed to broadcasting devices such as television, radio and recorded announcement. These devices publish information in audio and video format where it approaches final stage of the process.

[Flick]

The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology
collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce
reliable forecasts.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown
below.

words = 149

The figure depicts how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology gathers information in order to create plausible weather forecasts. According to the image, the process of forecasting relies highly on source data while the main hub is entirely responsible for the broadcasting of the forecasts to various devices.

The process begins when the incoming information is received by satellite. These data are transferred to a satellite photo, and a radar screen via radar, from the satellite. Similarly, a synoptic chart obtains data from those two sources as well as a drifting buoy. These messages are analyzed and forecast, then transmitted to the main computer.

The data acquired by the main hub are gathered for preparing the broadcast. Once the information has been created for distribution, it is thus conveyed to broadcasting devices such as television, radio, and recorded announcement. These devices publish information in audio and video format during the final stage of the process.

[jesus]

Thanks very much. I will try my best to avoid these errors.