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This is an essay I wrote for practice. I appreciate any help on pointing out mistakes. Thank you.

Some people think developing countries should invite large foreign companies to open offices and factories to grow their economies. Others think the developing countries should keep large companies out and develop local companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views on whether developing countries should accept investment from multinational companies. Although local companies may face direct competition from foreign companies of the same industry, I personally believe it can help with local economic growth for governments of developing countries to allow companies from other countries to open local branches.

There are several benefits of inviting multinational companies to open local offices and factories in developing countries. Firstly, these companies are normally large job creators. Their factories may create hundreds of thousands of job openings for people in developing countries. This can significantly reduce the unemployment rate in these countries. Secondly, many multinational companies bring the latest technology to developing countries. Local employees of these companies have the chance to learn the state-of-the-art technology. They may later create their own start-up companies, or they even work for local companies, thereby helping with technological advances in developing countries. Also, many of these foreign companies pay large amounts of corporate income taxes, which can be helpful with local economic growth.

On the other hand, some people believe that it is better to protect local companies by keeping foreign companies out. It is generally true that local companies do not have the same level of technology or funding like foreign multinational companies do, so they may not be able to survive in a competitive free market. People therefore are concerned that this might lead to an economy controlled by foreign companies.

In conclusion, I believe that it has a positive impact on the economic growth in developing countries to allowing foreign countries to have local offices, and local companies can learn to improve their competitiveness in a free market. (279 words)

Hi blurr,

You present several strengths in your writing. For one, your grammar is quite strong (aside from a few small awkwardly worded areas, such as your statement of position in the conclusion). Your logical approach to the argument is solid and acts as a clear indicator of your strength as a writer of English. I felt the example > discussion > example > discussion pattern works very well in your first supporting paragraph.

One area I would like to address is the awkward use of the word "it" in both your introduction and conclusion paragraphs. In referencing the entire idea of the positive nature of large foreign companies investing in developing countries, the word "it" reads awkwardly. Try something like:

Although local companies may face direct competition from foreign companies within the same industry, I personally believe this course of action would allow for positive local economic growth among developing countries.

As I mentioned, this same sort of issue applies to your conclusion (I'll leave you to fix that one up). Because your statement of position is slightly awkward, you would lose marks for overall task achievement.

Aside from these areas, I really feel the piece is strong. I wouldn't be surprised if it scored band 7.5. With additional fluency, this mark would easily jump beyond band 8.

Good luck.

Thanks Ryan,

I made some small changes according to your advice. Thank you very much.

People have different views on whether developing countries should accept investment from multinational companies. Although local companies may face direct competition from foreign companies within the same industry, I personally believe that this course of action would allow for positive local economic growth among developing countries.

There are several benefits of inviting multinational companies to open local offices and factories in developing countries. Firstly, these companies are normally large job creators. Their factories may create hundreds of thousands of job openings for people in developing countries. This can significantly reduce the unemployment rate in these countries. Secondly, many multinational companies bring the latest technology to developing countries. Local employees of these companies have the chance to learn the state-of-the-art technology. They may later create their own start-up companies, or they may even work for local companies, thereby helping with technological advances in developing countries. Also, many of these foreign companies pay large amounts of corporate income taxes, which can be helpful with local economic growth.

On the other hand, some people believe that it is better to protect local companies by keeping foreign companies out. It is generally true that local companies do not have the same level of technology or funding like foreign multinational companies do, so they may not be able to survive in a competitive free market. People therefore are concerned that this might lead to an economy controlled by foreign companies.

In conclusion, I believe that allowing foreign companies to establish branches in developing countries can be beneficial to local economies, and local companies can learn to improve their competitiveness in a free market.