please try to view my essay

[lg007]

please help me with my essay, i will be taking the exam next week, I'm quite anxious about my writing, i hope anyone could try to comment about my work , thank you in advance!
target band score: 7+

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

People have different views about sanctions imposed for felonies. Some people would argue that every offense should have a similar degree of punishment. However, others would contend that penalties for a certain crime must depend on the situation, and the intention for committing such illegal activity. Both sides of the argument will be analyzed in this essay before a reasonable conclusion is drawn.

There is no doubt that many believe criminals, regardless of the nature of their crime, should receive the same form of punishment. This is mainly because crime is a major violation of law which is bound to protect the welfare of people. If, for instance, capital punishment is implemented to all prisoners, then many potential offenders will never attempt to commit felonious crimes. Thus, such policy could bring peace and order to the society.

On the contrary, many critics are against such fixed punishments for several reasons. Firstly, some innocent individuals could be convicted because of a wrong identity. Take, Kentucky, for example, a civilian has been executed for murdering a family, but after several years the person was found faultless. However, he was already sentenced to death. Secondly, age should also become a factor to consider in convicting an accused person. For instance, a 5 year old Filipino boy accidentally shot his nanny while playing with a real gun on the room of his parents. The child may be guilty of the action but he was not mature enough to understand the consequences of such activity. Hence, it is crucial to base the punishment on the circumstance and intent of performing the crime.

In conclusion, although it is true that some people find it lawful to penalize an arrested individual using a fixed form of punishment for the punitive damages brought by their actions, I agree with those who believe that every accusation should be justified according to the event of crime and motive of their behavior.
(321 words)

[csehgal]

I am quite certain that this could be a level 8.5 band essay.

[sos1947]

I wont go that far

few corrections
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Thus, such policy could bring peace and order to the ("a") society.

Take, Kentucky, for example, a civilian has ("had") been executed for murdering a family, but after several years the person was found "faultless".

What do you mean by "faultless" do you mean to say "innocent"?

There are others who can help correct grammar, On a positive note, I liked the essay.

[lg007]

I am quite certain that this could be a level 8.5 band essay.

Thank you so much for the estimated score csehgal! But ive considered the fact that i still have many corrections which could probably lower my score. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for your helpful response!

[lg007]

I wont go that far

few corrections
------------------

Thus, such policy could bring peace and order to the ("a") society.

Take, Kentucky, for example, a civilian has ("had") been executed for murdering a family, but after several years the person was found "faultless".

What do you mean by "faultless" do you mean to say "innocent"?

There are others who can help correct grammar, On a positive note, I liked the essay.

I'm glad for these errors you've seen that I've failed to notice sos1947! I must admit there are still so many errors with this essay beforehand. Now I realized how important it is to spare time for checking errors during the exam! Thank you so much!