It is one of my first step essays... please give a comment

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dear246
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:34 pm

It is one of my first step essays... please give a comment

Post by dear246 »

Modern society still includes many problems that existed in the past and even new problems. Many people feel that this is due to our over reliance on technology.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that people’s lives have changed since the introduction of technology. People have become more reliant on technology and some problems have appeared as it was before. Though office work has become easier, and modern communication systems have expedited exchange of information. So, I disagree that technology has given more problems than it was in the past.
Nobody can argue that there were some problems in office work in the past. As an example, to recycle a written document it had to be rewritten, or a calculation should be recalculated from beginning. However, today computers absolutely covered this field and with the help of academic digital machine office work has became ten times more trouble-free. So, technology does not give us problems, but give us solutions.
In the past, people used to post documents and they have to wait for the reply. For example, if one wanted to send some files to another city, then he had to send them by post, and it took a long time. Nonetheless, today’s technology gives humanity the opportunity to use the speed of light to exchange any files from anywhere. Thus, using technology one can save the priceless thing: time.
To summarize, in my personal view technology got many fields simplified and interchange of information has risen. According to the analysis, the idea of supporting technology is acceptable. In the future, it can give humanity more and more benefits.
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OnlineEnglishTeacher
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Re: It is one of my first step essays... please give a comment

Post by OnlineEnglishTeacher »

240 words = count the numer of words - use synonyms for the question - careful of grammar - estimated approximately 6-6.5.

Modern society still includes many problems that existed in the past and even new problems. Many people feel that this is due to our over reliance on technology.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that people’s lives have changed since the introduction of technology. People have become more reliant on technology and some problems have appeared ("that did not exist before") as it was before. ("Conversely,") Though office work has become easier, and modern communication systems have expedited ("the") exchange of information. So, I disagree that technology has given more problems than ("were in") it was in the past.
Nobody can argue that there were ("not") some problems in office work in the past. As an example, to ("republish") recycle a written document it had to be rewritten, or a calculation should ("have been") be recalculated from ("the") beginning. However, today computers absolutely covered this field and with the help of ("an") academic digital machine(",") office work has became ten times more trouble-free. So, technology does not give us problems, but ("gives") give us solutions.
In the past, people used to post documents and they ("had") have to wait for the reply. For example, if one wanted to send some files to another city, then ("they") he had to send them by post, and it took a long time. Nonetheless, today’s technology gives humanity the opportunity to use the speed of light to exchange any files from anywhere. Thus, using technology one can save the priceless thing: time.
To summarize, ("for" perhaps sounds better to me - from UK) in my personal view(",") technology got many fields simplified and ("the") interchange of information has risen. According to the analysis, the idea of supporting technology is acceptable. In the future, it can give humanity ("increasing") more and more benefits.
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dear246
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:34 pm

Re: It is one of my first step essays... please give a comment

Post by dear246 »

I am extremely grateful to you!!! Then, I know my lack
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