ACADEMIC WRITING - band score needed at least 7
Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2015 3:50 pm
Hello everybody, I'd like to share with you my writing task 2 where I expect to receive at least 7. Please give me all the critics and the tips you think I need to improve my writing skills. Every suggestions will be appreciated.
Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Since sport has been broadcasted on tv, an increasing amount of money has surrounded it. Accordingly, professional players have being payed more and more so far, and it is lively discussed among the general public if their salaries are fair or not. In this essay I will try to explain both side of the argument giving in conclusion my personal opinion.
Let's start by thinking about the reasons of the high salaries of sport stars. It is well-known that the goal of sport competitions is to win; therefore, it is fairly inevitable that teams make all the possible efforts to win and taking on strong players is one of the key factor to succeed. Many times, offering high wages is the best way to have them on your side.
Moreover, it should be taken into account that what players earn is a result of several elements like bonus and especially sponsorships, which are the consequence of the affect of the public to the athlete. What I mean is that indirectly we contribute to enrich the sport professionals. For instance, if consumers buy a large quantity of trainers worn by one player, a part of the price they have payed goes into the wallet of that player.
Another thing that should be considered is that being a sport star doesn't last more than 20 years. As a consequence, athletes tend to earn as much as possible in order to have enough money for when they will retire. And It isn't uncommon that players go in bankruptcy after the end of their careers.
On the other hand, other people claim that, despite entertaining the public, sport professionals don't save lives as doctors do. Therefore, it should be surely reduced the players average salary in favor of jobs that are fundamental for our lives. For instance, some people argued the introduction in every sport of a salary cap which must be worth no more than twice the value of doctors' salaries.
In conclusion, I think that even though high salaries for playing sports seem to be unfair, especially if compared to more important jobs, they are strongly influenced by different factors such as sponsorships, esprit of competition and short-term careers that can't be stopped.
Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Since sport has been broadcasted on tv, an increasing amount of money has surrounded it. Accordingly, professional players have being payed more and more so far, and it is lively discussed among the general public if their salaries are fair or not. In this essay I will try to explain both side of the argument giving in conclusion my personal opinion.
Let's start by thinking about the reasons of the high salaries of sport stars. It is well-known that the goal of sport competitions is to win; therefore, it is fairly inevitable that teams make all the possible efforts to win and taking on strong players is one of the key factor to succeed. Many times, offering high wages is the best way to have them on your side.
Moreover, it should be taken into account that what players earn is a result of several elements like bonus and especially sponsorships, which are the consequence of the affect of the public to the athlete. What I mean is that indirectly we contribute to enrich the sport professionals. For instance, if consumers buy a large quantity of trainers worn by one player, a part of the price they have payed goes into the wallet of that player.
Another thing that should be considered is that being a sport star doesn't last more than 20 years. As a consequence, athletes tend to earn as much as possible in order to have enough money for when they will retire. And It isn't uncommon that players go in bankruptcy after the end of their careers.
On the other hand, other people claim that, despite entertaining the public, sport professionals don't save lives as doctors do. Therefore, it should be surely reduced the players average salary in favor of jobs that are fundamental for our lives. For instance, some people argued the introduction in every sport of a salary cap which must be worth no more than twice the value of doctors' salaries.
In conclusion, I think that even though high salaries for playing sports seem to be unfair, especially if compared to more important jobs, they are strongly influenced by different factors such as sponsorships, esprit of competition and short-term careers that can't be stopped.