Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, it is a common practice to spend a huge amount of money on the special occasions such as wedding ceremonies and birthday parties. There is a group of people who claim that it has some benefits for the community, while another group argues that it is a pointless effort.
The supporters of the argument, which is in favor of spending much money on these parties, contend that special ceremonies happen rarely in the lifetime of a human. A good example of this can be wedding ceremonies. In most cases marriage takes place only for once. Therefore, it should be as much fascinating and unforgettable as possible and should be provided the amount of money that is needed. Also, it is felt that by making these occasions so rich, the value and respect can be shown towards the family institution. Thus, a couple would respect and protect their family life in the future.
The opponents of this view, however, assert that it would be meaningless to spend such a tremendous amount of money only for one day. To take the above-mentioned example again, it can pose some problems for the couple after the wedding day. To be more specific, they may take a loan from a bank in order to afford organizing such an expensive event. Later on, it might be difficult to pay its interests off. Instead of this, this money can be saved and spent more rationally in the further stages of marriage life i.e. when having a baby.
To sum up, from my perspective, it can be considered a trivial spending of money and I would say that it can be directed to more crucial factors of social life.
Please grade:)
Re: Please grade:)
Task response- Average. Other celebrations were neglected. A paragraph could have been dedicated to birthday parties or other celebrations (such as new year's celebration). You were instructed to discuss both views and give your opinion. I'm afraid you failed to give the later. Using "can" is inconclusive. It shows you are not certain about your point of view. You should have use "should" to show that you stand by your point.
Coherence & Cohesion- Very good. It was readable. More linking words such as "However" and others should be incorporated in the future. Only that "It can be directed" shows lack of certainty.
Grammatical range and Accuracy. Good. "The supporters of the argument, which "is" in favor of" The supporters is plural. I think you should use "are" here. That is "which are". If you had said the supporting "group", then "is" was right. The supporting group which is in favour.
Lexical Resource- Very Good.
I will give you 6/9.
Coherence & Cohesion- Very good. It was readable. More linking words such as "However" and others should be incorporated in the future. Only that "It can be directed" shows lack of certainty.
Grammatical range and Accuracy. Good. "The supporters of the argument, which "is" in favor of" The supporters is plural. I think you should use "are" here. That is "which are". If you had said the supporting "group", then "is" was right. The supporting group which is in favour.
Lexical Resource- Very Good.
I will give you 6/9.