Please, help to check! Writing task 2 drives me to despair!

[Nina Kelbas]

The presence and status of women and men in some kind of profession has improved over last half century. Throughout history, males and females are often viewed as having differing skills sets. It is agreed, that it is correct to exclude people from certain jobs on the basis of their gender, but only in limited circumstances. The statement will be proven by looking at how physical attributes prevent women from excelling in particular roles; secondly it is discussed how society at large rejects women from undertaking certain careers, following by reasoned conclusion.
For one, dynamic development of our modern society changed some views on gender differences which are related to certain professions. Dependence on society advocacy renders women vulnerable. The norms governing women's participation in some kind of professions have been formed in connection with natural physical possibilities. In my opinion, any exclusion of someone from certain professions harms economy. For instance, the elections for the Australian Parliament are showed higher percentage of women. As my example shows, the modest growth of women participating in political activity make us confident that some gender (in this case females) are able to understand elector's needs in social or educational sphere by representing their interests in decision-making bodies.
In addition to this, society determines both men and women suited for working on judge position. Historically, a lot of jobs such as judge are available only for men. I personally know one of example, when friend failed interview stage when applying to become judge in criminal court because she was the wrong sex. As can be seen from this example, this situation is not in favour of confirming equally access to the courts or promoting equality of opportunity for men and women. Returning to the statement is there any reasons for excluding one of gender from certain professions, have to prevail idea that people should not be discriminated against because of their gender.
Following to this look at the question, both sexes are complementing certain professions, thus, excluding some of men or women are not recommended.

[jesus]

1. Try to stick to Ryan's structure; include question of your essay.

2. your Examples are not strong enough.

3.avoid personal pronouns, if your question does not ask your personal opinion.

[aurora_vietnamita]

Dependence on society advocacy renders women vulnerable???
The statement will be proven by looking at how physical attributes prevent women from excelling in particular roles; secondly it is discussed how society at large rejects women from undertaking certain careers, following by reasoned conclusion=> too long
your vocab is great!