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Please assess my essay

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 4:16 pm
by vivek001
Question: Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spend as well. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Answer:
As it is commonly understood that the goverments spends vast sums of money to enhance and reward the arts.This can be seen evidently by the increased number of art competitions,facilities for artists, as well as job opportunities offered by the administration.It is belived that this hard earned money could be more wisely utilised to cater other key issues.This will be shown by taking into account the most demanding needs of country folks.

Firstly, art work seems the only possible way to demonstrate the cultute as well as the customes of a nation.Secondly, Artists not only enhance it but also helps to keep country's dying art alive for future generation, hence they deserve equal attantion as other profession.Take India for instance, which is quite known for its art work and diversified culture heritage.It is obvious when looking at this example that the indian government is fairly rewarding towards art.From this it can be concluded that the system of rules should understand the criticality of arts and artists.

Although, art holds its own standpoint but looking first at, from governments viewpoint, more pressing issues like hunger, crime, poverty and unemployment would be more rewarding and viable.In some non-industrial countries, for instance Pakistan, where 60% of total population survive below poverty line, having huze expenditure for art would not be a welcoming decision by the countryfolks.This example makes it clear that art seems a trivial concern for gorvnment when one is deprieved by basic necessities.This is obvious that adequate healthy diet, optimal medication, and a well established education system need more attention than art.

After analyzing the areas of concerns, the argument that the government should spent money more wisely holds the merit. As far as citizens of the nation are deprieved by basic amenities there is no point in spending vast sums of money on arts.

Re: Please assess my essay

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 5:45 pm
by aboabed
Hi

I've given your essay a quick look and I spotted the following:
1. some spelling mistakes because of typing (typos) or because you don't know the spelling such as (deprive). I've use bold face for that.

2. some grammatical mistakes and they are underlined.

3. In your introduction, I couldn't make which sentence is your theses statement.

4. In paragraph 3, your topic sentence needs revision.

5. I guess you should pick a side and support it instead of discussing both sides.

6. I'd give you 5.5


Good Luck



As it is commonly understood that the goverments spends vast sums of money to enhance and reward the arts. This can be seen evidently by the increased number of art competitions, facilities for artists, as well as job opportunities offered by the administration. It is belived that this hard earned money could be more wisely utilised to cater other key issues. This will be shown by taking into account the most demanding needs of country folks.

Firstly, art work seems the only possible way to demonstrate the cultute as well as the customes of a nation. Secondly, Artists not only enhance it but also helps to keep country's dying art alive for future generation, hence they deserve equal attantion as other profession. Take India for instance, which is quite known for its art work and diversified culture heritage. It is obvious when looking at this example that the indian government is fairly rewarding towards art. From this, it can be concluded that the system of rules should understand the criticality of arts and artists.

Although, art holds its own standpoint but looking first at, from governments viewpoint, more pressing issues like hunger, crime, poverty and unemployment would be more rewarding and viable. In some non-industrial countries, for instance Pakistan, where 60% of total population survive below poverty line, having huze expenditure for art would not be a welcoming decision by the country folks. This example makes it clear that art seems a trivial concern for gorvnment when one is deprieved by basic necessities. This is obvious that adequate healthy diet, optimal medication, and a well established education system need more attention than art.

After analyzing the areas of concerns, the argument that the government should spent money more wisely holds the merit. As far as citizens of the nation are deprieved by basic amenities there is no point in spending vast sums of money on arts.

Re: Please assess my essay

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2015 4:12 pm
by vivek001
HI,

Thanks a lot for your time and effort!!

I always make two major mistakes 1. Spelling Mistake 2. Tense and subject-verb agreement. I have an exam this month and really scared how to overcome these two problems with in stipulated time.

Could anyone please suggest me how shold i strategically deal with these problem.

It would be a great help for me.


Regads
Vivek