Please assess my writing

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reader309
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Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2015 2:24 pm

Please assess my writing

Post by reader309 »

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Since the beginning of recorded time, there is a debate on subjects that are taught in schools. This can be seen nowhere clear than many schools have strict curriculum for their pupils. Many argue that government should found on art subjects for children, however, this is refuted by others. These argument will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Historically, many people have supporting the idea that all kind of art lessons are vitally important as they develop creativity of pupils. Take famous Da Vinci as example. He was famous because of his painting and his invention as well. If he had not experience in painting, he never could draw the first blue print of airplane. This example shows clearly that art has significant impact on students as well arithmetic subjects so it is a worthwhile subject that governments should found it. It is easy to see why this argument has garnered a lot of support.

It is felt by many that music and other kind of art are amusement topics and students should focus on lessons that prepare them for their future career.. For example, accept in entrance university exam in my country requires considerable effort. So student spend all school years to study hard for this exam and it is believed spend time on art just wasting their valuable time. It is goes without saying that in some circumstances music, dance and other type of art should be considered as leisure activity that should receive support from private organizations.
After analyzing these two point of view it is felt that nowadays needs for learning art lessons is reduced and it is count as unnecessary lesson among all tough subjects like math and physic. without a doubt, we cannot eliminate are from our live and it is better as individual spend some money to learn it.
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Flick
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Re: Please assess my writing

Post by Flick »

reader309 wrote:Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Since the beginning of recorded time, there is a debate on subjects that are taught in schools. This can be seen nowhere clear than many schools have strict curriculum for their pupils.(<--Reword to: "Many schools have a strict curriculum their students are expected to follow.") Some people argue that the government should found art subjects for children. However, this is refuted by others. These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Historically, many people have supported the idea that all kinds of art lessons are vitally important as they develop the creativity of pupils. Take the famous Leonardo Da Vinci as an example. He was famous because of his paintings and his inventions. If he had no experience in painting, he never could have drawn the first blue print of an airplane. This example shows clearly that art has a significant impact on students as well arithmetic subjects, so it is a worthwhile subject that governments should fund. It is easy to see why this argument has garnered a lot of support.

On the other hand, it is felt by many that music and other kinds of art are amusement topics and students should focus on lessons that prepare them for their future career. For example, to pass the university entrance exam in my country requires considerable effort. So students spend all their school years studying hard for this exam and it is believed that spending time on art is a waste. It goes without saying that in some circumstances music, dance and other types of art should be considered as leisure activities that should receive support from private organizations.

After analyzing these two points of view, it is felt that nowadays the need for learning art is reduced and it is counted as an unnecessary subject when compared to subjects like math and physics. Without a doubt, we cannot eliminate art from our lives, and it is better for individuals to spend some money to learn it.
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