academic writing task 2 needs some comments
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:46 am
Hello all,
to prepare for next ielts test, I wrote some topics. I need everyone to give me suggestions and band score for this essay.
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is true that some criminals commit crimes after they serve a
sentence. there are several reasons why they continue to come back
offender and the problem can be taken to tackle by goverments and
family.
many offenders return to crimes after getting ouf prison by
some reasons. First reason for this is that the prison system
pose stituation worse.They are arranged in prison, so they make
friends with inmates.they do not have much to do and exchange
stories about what they have done before the police imprisons them
to the prison. they make up a plan for crimes after be released.
Second, lacking of awareness.Their families may not take good care
of them while they need to have instructions as well as encouragement
from parents and friends.Third, the poverty make them become re-offenders.
criminals don't have knowledge and expertise. this cause diffculties
to find out job satisfaction. morever, companies avoid hiring people
with criminal background.
there are some solutions to problem. First of all, the gorvement
should focus on rehabilitation rather than punishment.Authorities
should establish education system in the prison. This help offenders
study and do some research as student in school. From this point,
they pay attention to study rather than think about plan for offences.
Service community is a usefull method to reform offenders. This
allow them to be closer to local community. Moreover, the family
encourage and take good care of them more after leaving out the
prison. This will release pressure and help them more self-confident in life.
If parents listen their children and share experiences with them,
they will do better.
In a nut shell, recidivism is one of serious problem in society. It can be
can be resolved by concentrating on rehabilitation and the encouragement
from family rather than punishment.
to prepare for next ielts test, I wrote some topics. I need everyone to give me suggestions and band score for this essay.
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is true that some criminals commit crimes after they serve a
sentence. there are several reasons why they continue to come back
offender and the problem can be taken to tackle by goverments and
family.
many offenders return to crimes after getting ouf prison by
some reasons. First reason for this is that the prison system
pose stituation worse.They are arranged in prison, so they make
friends with inmates.they do not have much to do and exchange
stories about what they have done before the police imprisons them
to the prison. they make up a plan for crimes after be released.
Second, lacking of awareness.Their families may not take good care
of them while they need to have instructions as well as encouragement
from parents and friends.Third, the poverty make them become re-offenders.
criminals don't have knowledge and expertise. this cause diffculties
to find out job satisfaction. morever, companies avoid hiring people
with criminal background.
there are some solutions to problem. First of all, the gorvement
should focus on rehabilitation rather than punishment.Authorities
should establish education system in the prison. This help offenders
study and do some research as student in school. From this point,
they pay attention to study rather than think about plan for offences.
Service community is a usefull method to reform offenders. This
allow them to be closer to local community. Moreover, the family
encourage and take good care of them more after leaving out the
prison. This will release pressure and help them more self-confident in life.
If parents listen their children and share experiences with them,
they will do better.
In a nut shell, recidivism is one of serious problem in society. It can be
can be resolved by concentrating on rehabilitation and the encouragement
from family rather than punishment.