IELTS Task 1, Please corecting this

[eppofahmi]

The bar chart illustrates the prediction of percentage of purpose and sex of the drivers on traveling by cars, in 2005. Overall, It is clearly seen that more women and men driving their cars to go to work, while the least of purpose of men driver is to go to bank and women is to visiting town.
Going to working place by car is the highest driving aim for both women and man, with approximately 39% and 53% respectively. There are around 17% of women drive their own car to go to shopping center, as opposed with exactly 10% men that driving cars to the same place. On the other hand, both women and women also using their cars to go to courses place, with 11% and 9% severally.
However, only there are around 3% of women that tripled by men whose driving their cars to visiting town, which is opposed with driving for visiting bank, with around 9% women and only around 4% men. The same pattern continued in the purpose of running errand and visiting friends with exactly 10% and around 8% of women and only 4% and 5% men. Nevertheless, there more man driver than women in the purpose of visiting recreational places.
In conclusion, we can see that there is more women driver to go to courses places, banks, running errands, visiting friend and shopping while men drive more dominant in the purpose of visiting town, recreation and working places.

Screenshot_2015-09-12-22-12-05(1).png (147.94 KiB) Viewed 1500 times

[ericphamhoang]

The bar chart illustrates the prediction of percentage of purpose and sex of the drivers on traveling by cars, in 2005. Overall, It is clearly seen that more women and men driving their cars to go to work, while the least of purpose of men driver is to go to bank and women is to visiting town.
Going to working place by car is the highest driving aim for both women and man (men), with approximately 39% and 53% respectively. There are around 17% of women (+who) drive their own car to go to shopping center, as opposed with (to) exactly 10% men that (who - that is for stuffs) driving cars to the same place. On the other hand, both women (man) and women also (redundant) using (use) their cars to go to courses place, with 11% and 9% severally.
However, only there are around 3% of women that tripled by men whose driving their cars to visiting (visit) town, which is opposed with (to) driving for visiting bank, with around 9% women and only around 4% men. The same pattern continued in the purpose of running errand and visiting friends with exactly 10% and around 8% of women and only 4% and 5% men. Nevertheless (?), there more man driver than women in the purpose of visiting recreational places.
In conclusion, we can see that there is more women driver to go to courses places, banks, running errands, visiting friend and shopping while men drive more dominant in the purpose of visiting town, recreation and working places.

I just fixed some grammar errors, there may be more issues but they exceed my level

[eppofahmi]

Thankyou very much for your correction, it's really helpful

[Flick]

The bar chart illustrates the estimated percentage of car trips based on purpose and gender in 2005. Overall, it is clearly seen that more women and men drive their cars to work, while the least common reason for men to drive is going to the bank and running errands, while for women it is visiting town.

Driving to work is the most popular reason for both women and men, accounting for approximately 39% and 53% respectively. Around 17% of women drive their own car to go shopping, as opposed to 10% of men. On the other hand, both women and men drive to courses, with 11% and 9% respectively.

However, only taround 3% of women drive with the purpose of visiting town, while triple this number of men do the same. However, when it comes to visiting the bank, around 9% of women but only 4% of men will drive. The same pattern occurred when it came to running errands and visiting friends with exactly 10% and around 8% of women and only 4% and 5% men. Nevertheless, there more male drivers than female drivers who are visiting recreational places.

In conclusion, we can see that there are more women drivers going on courses, visiting the bank, running errands, visiting friends and shopping while men prefer to drive when visiting town, for recreation and for work.

Screenshot_2015-09-12-22-12-05(1).png

[eppofahmi]

Thank you very much for correcting my writing, it's really helpful.