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I lot from this essay are gathered from this forum, but I still worry about mistakes or wrong meaning...

The first pie chart represents the percentage of different types of energy use in average Australian household. The second chart demonstrates the correlation in gas emissions, caused by energy consumption.
As is observed from the former pie chart, the majority of energy is used by heating and water heating at 42% and 30%, respectively. Other appliances account for 15 percent of total energy use. Finally, refrigeration, cooling and lighting make use of 12% of the overall consuming.
The latter chart depicts that the greatest gas emissions comes from water heating at 32% and other appliances at 28%. These are followed by heating and refrigeration at 15% and 14%, respectively. The last positions are occupied by cooling and lighting at small percentage, approximately 11% in total.
In comparison, heating in energy use stands on the first place, but it significantly declines in the second pie chart. Opposite, the level of water heating rises on the latter pie chart on 2%. Similarly, in electricity use, other appliances cover 15%, but in the gas emissions, they rise to 28%. The other needs do not have dramatic differences on the given charts.

Dear Polina
I haven't seen the exam question or the charts, but I'm not sure that you would talk about a correlation between the charts in the introduction. If you conclude that there is a correlation, put that at the end, but from your second body paragraph, it looks like there wasn’t one. In other words, if most electricity is consumed for heating and water heating, for the charts to correlate the biggest emissions would have to be for that category, too. Your second body paragraph uses some language not normally associated with charts showing different things. For example, you say that heating ‘declines’ on the second chart. It would be possible to say that emissions from heating are less significant than consumption, but not that they decline. Overall, your English is clear and cohesive, but the second body paragraph is not very coherent. You have used some good, appropriate vocabulary and although there are grammatical mistakes and errors in word form, neither impede communication.
Well done, and I hope you get the Band Score you need.
Teacher www.ieltsexchange.com

Teacher wrote:Dear Polina
I haven't seen the exam question or the charts, but I'm not sure that you would talk about a correlation between the charts in the introduction. If you conclude that there is a correlation, put that at the end, but from your second body paragraph, it looks like there wasn’t one. In other words, if most electricity is consumed for heating and water heating, for the charts to correlate the biggest emissions would have to be for that category, too. Your second body paragraph uses some language not normally associated with charts showing different things. For example, you say that heating ‘declines’ on the second chart. It would be possible to say that emissions from heating are less significant than consumption, but not that they decline. Overall, your English is clear and cohesive, but the second body paragraph is not very coherent. You have used some good, appropriate vocabulary and although there are grammatical mistakes and errors in word form, neither impede communication.
Well done, and I hope you get the Band Score you need.
Teacher http://www.ieltsexchange.com

Thank you very much! Your recommendations are very helpful for me, and I decided to try again and to correct my mistakes. Also, I add the task picture and hope that my answer would be helpful for somebody, who prepares to IELTS, too.

Task: http://prntscr.com/8jijv2

Second try:
The former pie chart illustrates the energy consumption in average Australian household. The latter pie chart demonstrates gas emissions that cause this energy use.
As is observed from the first pie chart, the majority of energy is used on heating and water heating, at 42% and 30%, respectively. Other appliances need for 15% of total energy. Finally, refrigeration, cooling, and lighting compile the minority of energy usage because they account for 13 percent in common.
Looking to the second pie chart, the greatest gas emissions are released by water heating at 32%. Although heating occupies the first position in the energy consumption, it produces low gas emissions at only 15%. Gas liberation, caused by other appliances, accounts for 28%, and is twice as much as their energy use. In turn, quarter of pie chart is occupied by refrigeration, cooling, and lighting.
In comparison, emissions from heating and water heating are less significant than consumption; otherwise, gas liberation from other appliances is more considerable than energy use.

Hi Polina
Be careful when you use 'former' and 'latter'. You have to mention at least two things before your can refer to them as former (first) and latter (last). In your introduction, just say 'first' and 'second'. Also, the emissions are caused by the energy use, not the other way round.
Use 'comprise' rather than 'compile'.
Use looking 'at' instead of looking 'to'.
Use 'made up of' rather than 'is occupied by'.
Overall MUCH better, so well done for all your hard work!
(There's a model answer here http://ieltsexchange.blogspot.co.uk/)
Teacher Jill
http://www.ieltsexchange.com

Teacher wrote:Hi Polina
Be careful when you use 'former' and 'latter'. You have to mention at least two things before your can refer to them as former (first) and latter (last). In your introduction, just say 'first' and 'second'. Also, the emissions are caused by the energy use, not the other way round.
Use 'comprise' rather than 'compile'.
Use looking 'at' instead of looking 'to'.
Use 'made up of' rather than 'is occupied by'.
Overall MUCH better, so well done for all your hard work!
(There's a model answer here http://ieltsexchange.blogspot.co.uk/)
Teacher Jill
http://www.ieltsexchange.com

Thank you! I understood a lot and have corrected my mistakes! I will keep practice more