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The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Full task: http://prntscr.com/8k8zlf

The first bar graph demonstrates what UK graduate students, who did not start full-time work, did after study in 2008. The second bar graph illustrates the same information but for postgraduates in 2008.
Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students, at about 30 thousands, continues their education. Although there were a lump of graduates that did not set to a full-time work, a considerable part of them, around 18 thousands students, started their part time work. About the same amount of people stayed unemployed, and the minority of graduates, only 3500, went into voluntary work.
As is observed from the latter bar graph, the learners, who left the college and stayed without full-time work, mostly went into further education or part time jobs, at 2725 and 2545 people, respectively. Followed by these activities, 1625 persons stayed out-of-work. Finally, 345 postgraduate students became volunteers.
In comparison, the bar graphs give information about approximate same percentage of destinations of graduates and postgraduates. Although the number of graduate and postgraduate learners is significantly different, people tend to choose extendable study or partial time work, after having finished these; otherwise, slight amount of them take part in voluntary work.

Hi Polina
Try to make the introduction one sentence using paraphrases of the chart titles and question.
The first bar graph demonstrates what UK graduate students, who did not start full-time work, did after study in 2008. The second bar graph illustrates the same information but for postgraduates in 2008.
e.g. The two bar charts show what students in the UK in 2008 did after their degrees or postgraduate studies other than full-time employment.

Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students, at about 30 thousands, (30,000) continues (continued) their education. Although there were a lump of (many) graduates that did not set to a (go into) full-time work (jobs), a considerable part of them (number) around 18 thousands students, (of around 18,000) started their part-time work. About the same amount of people stayed (became) unemployed, and (while) the (a) minority of graduates (only 3,500) went into voluntary work.

As is observed from the latter bar graph, the learners, who left the college and stayed without full-time work, (postgraduates) mostly went into further (continued their) education or (took) part time jobs, at 2,725 and 2,545 people respectively. (A further) 1,625 persons stayed out-of-work. (became unemployed). Finally, (The final) 345 postgraduate students became volunteers.

In comparison, The bar graphs give information about (show) approximately (the) same percentages (in terms) of destinations of (for both) graduates and post-graduates. Although the number of graduate and postgraduate learners (the overall number of each) is significantly different, people tended to choose (engage in) extendable (ongoing) study or part-time work, after having finished these; otherwise, slight amount of them (with those not finding themselves unemployed opting for) take part in voluntary work.

Well done!

Teacher wrote:Hi Polina
Try to make the introduction one sentence using paraphrases of the chart titles and question.
The first bar graph demonstrates what UK graduate students, who did not start full-time work, did after study in 2008. The second bar graph illustrates the same information but for postgraduates in 2008.
e.g. The two bar charts show what students in the UK in 2008 did after their degrees or postgraduate studies other than full-time employment.

Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students, at about 30 thousands, (30,000) continues (continued) their education. Although there were a lump of (many) graduates that did not set to a (go into) full-time work (jobs), a considerable part of them (number) around 18 thousands students, (of around 18,000) started their part-time work. About the same amount of people stayed (became) unemployed, and (while) the (a) minority of graduates (only 3,500) went into voluntary work.

As is observed from the latter bar graph, the learners, who left the college and stayed without full-time work, (postgraduates) mostly went into further (continued their) education or (took) part time jobs, at 2,725 and 2,545 people respectively. (A further) 1,625 persons stayed out-of-work. (became unemployed). Finally, (The final) 345 postgraduate students became volunteers.

In comparison, The bar graphs give information about (show) approximately (the) same percentages (in terms) of destinations of (for both) graduates and post-graduates. Although the number of graduate and postgraduate learners (the overall number of each) is significantly different, people tended to choose (engage in) extendable (ongoing) study or part-time work, after having finished these; otherwise, slight amount of them (with those not finding themselves unemployed opting for) take part in voluntary work.

Well done!

Thank you for correcting my mistakes! Now I'm posting corrected edition of my writing:

The given bar charts present what students in the UK did after their degrees or postgraduate studies, unless full-time employment, in 2008.
Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students (30,000) continued their education. Although there were many graduates that did not go into full-time jobs, a considerable number of them, of around 18,000, started their part-time work. About the same amount of people became unemployed while a minority of graduates (only 3,500) went into voluntary work.
As is observed from the latter bar graph, postgraduates mostly continued their education or took part time jobs, at 2,725 and 2,545 people, respectively. A further 1,625 persons became unemployed. The final 345 postgraduate students became volunteers.
In comparison, the bar graphs show approximately the same percentages in terms of destinations for both graduates and post-graduates. Although the overall number of each graduate and postgraduate learners is significantly different, people tend to engage in ongoing study or part-time work, after having finished these; otherwise, those, not finding themselves unemployed, opting for taking part in voluntary work.

Well done!