Topic:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Response:
It is a known fact that good health is directly proportional to physical fitness, resulting in a belief to have increased number of sports facilities. This is evident with the inclusion of sports complexes in modern housing schemes. On the other hand, some suggest that such facilities alone are not enough, but health awareness sessions are required as well. According to a group of people, large sports grounds are best to maintain a healthy life style while it is refuted by others.
As we can see the modern building architectures are having special arrangements for physical fitness. Designated floors for swimming pool, gymnasium and squash court are maintained. They are well furnished for residents to maintain a good health. They can save time by utilizing the facilities and living a healthy life. Similarly, large play grounds and parks are also deployed to be used by community residents. Kids and families can spare some time from their busy schedule and enjoy a walk in the fresh air.
On the other hand, some people have the opinion that sports facilities alone are not enough to maintain a good health. It is suggested that families should be given health awareness sessions. They are important for them to understand and change their eating habits and diet. For example, jogging on regular basis will not help you reduce weight until and unless you maintain a balanced diet. Hence, one should be made aware about the food intake.
After analyzing the need of modern sports facilities as well as awareness lectures, it is believed that modern sports centers alone are not enough. People should be guided about food supplements and daily intake. It is suggested to have regular awareness sessions and lectures within the sports facilities to help individuals maintain a balanced and healthy life.
Please assess my Writing Task 2
Re: Please assess my Writing Task 2
Dear Shaoib,
In your introduction, make your position clear from the start. Avoid generalisations or making statements which could be refuted.
e.g. The inclusion of sports complexes in new residential complexes is evidence of a belief by some that they can improve public health. Others suggest alternative measures would be more effective. However, I believe that both views have merit and that a combination of additional facilities and health education are the best way to promote health.
Try to start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence signposting to the examiner what it is about. If you mention your two main ideas (facilities and education) in the introduction, refer to these at the beginning of your paragraphs.
e.g. Making more sports facilities available is one way to help people become healthier. For example, in (my city) modern architecture incorporates special areas for ....
In your second paragraph, you could expand on ‘other measures’, so you mention not only a good diet, but not smoking, regular sleep and so on.
Try to avoid informal words such as ‘kids’. You have some nice vocabulary - this essay is at the 5,000 word level – but try to include some less common words or phrases as well. Try to link some of your sentences together as good use of cohesive devices will get you higher marks. (See where I have put Link.)
Your conclusion shouldn’t mention any new information (supplements or lectures) – so put that in the body – and it needs to be more decisive. Since in IELTS you need to state your position, use personal statements rather than impersonal ones.
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
In your introduction, make your position clear from the start. Avoid generalisations or making statements which could be refuted.
e.g. The inclusion of sports complexes in new residential complexes is evidence of a belief by some that they can improve public health. Others suggest alternative measures would be more effective. However, I believe that both views have merit and that a combination of additional facilities and health education are the best way to promote health.
Try to start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence signposting to the examiner what it is about. If you mention your two main ideas (facilities and education) in the introduction, refer to these at the beginning of your paragraphs.
e.g. Making more sports facilities available is one way to help people become healthier. For example, in (my city) modern architecture incorporates special areas for ....
In your second paragraph, you could expand on ‘other measures’, so you mention not only a good diet, but not smoking, regular sleep and so on.
Try to avoid informal words such as ‘kids’. You have some nice vocabulary - this essay is at the 5,000 word level – but try to include some less common words or phrases as well. Try to link some of your sentences together as good use of cohesive devices will get you higher marks. (See where I have put Link.)
Your conclusion shouldn’t mention any new information (supplements or lectures) – so put that in the body – and it needs to be more decisive. Since in IELTS you need to state your position, use personal statements rather than impersonal ones.
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.