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Please rate my first essay. I need 7 in GT

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:36 pm
by prathap
A rise of living standard is often benefit for cities rather than rural areas
what is the problem of difference and how to reduce it

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In recent decades, due to rapid growth in economy in many countries led to widening gap between cities and rural areas. The dwellers of cities are having high quality lifestyle as compared with their counterparts who are living in countryside. This led to many problems which needs to be trackled properly. The followed will elaborate the causes and some solutions to this problem.

Firstly, many residents of rural areas are migrating to cities to seek better carrier opportunities and modern lifestyle. Due to this, the cities are getting over crowded. This will severely impact on some of the important services like health care, education and transportation.

Secondly, It generates huge quantities of garbage and increase the vehicles movements in a single region. Therefore, a drastic increase in air, soil and water pollution. Moreover, It is very difficult to government to provide security and infrastructure to the citizens.

However, there are many solutions to overcome these issues. To begin with, government should encourage companies to invest in rural areas by providing tax benefits. This provides opportunities to rural people to work in their native place itself. Also, government should provide subsidies to farmers and motivate them to continue in farming by resolving their problems. Moreover, education systems in both the places should be maintained equivalent.

In conclusion, there are wide number of options to handle problems described above. I hold a firm belief that the government will have a proper approach to take the standard of living in both the regions to be similar.

Re: Please rate my first essay. I need 7 in GT

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 6:04 pm
by OnlineEnglishTeacher
There are quite a lot of errors, so a lot of improvement required before 7.

In recent decades, due to rapid growth in ("the economies of") economy in many countries(", this has led to a") led to widening gap between cities and rural areas. The dwellers of cities are having ("a") high quality lifestyle as compared with their counterparts who are living in ("the") countryside. This led to many problems which needs to be tackled properly. The ("following") followed will elaborate the causes and some solutions to this problem.

Firstly, many residents of rural areas are migrating to cities to seek better ("career") carrier opportunities and ("a") modern lifestyle. Due to this, the cities are getting ("overcrowded") over crowded. This will severely impact on some of the important services like health care, education and transportation.

Secondly, it generates huge quantities of garbage and ("increases") increase the ("vehicle") vehicles movements in a single region. Therefore, a drastic increase ("occurs") in air, soil and water pollution. Moreover, it is very difficult ("for a") to government to provide security and infrastructure to the citizens.

However, there are many solutions to overcome these issues. To begin with, ("a") government should encourage companies to invest in rural areas by providing tax benefits. This provides opportunities ("for") to rural people to work in their native place itself. Also, ("a") government should provide subsidies to farmers and motivate them to continue in farming by resolving their problems. Moreover, education systems in both the places should be maintained ("equally") equivalent.

In conclusion, there are ("a") wide number of options to handle ("the") problems described above. I hold a firm belief that ("a") the government ("can") will have a proper approach to ("improve") take the standard of living in both the regions to be similar.

prathap wrote:A rise of living standard is often benefit for cities rather than rural areas
what is the problem of difference and how to reduce it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In recent decades, due to rapid growth in economy in many countries led to widening gap between cities and rural areas. The dwellers of cities are having high quality lifestyle as compared with their counterparts who are living in countryside. This led to many problems which needs to be trackled properly. The followed will elaborate the causes and some solutions to this problem.

Firstly, many residents of rural areas are migrating to cities to seek better carrier opportunities and modern lifestyle. Due to this, the cities are getting over crowded. This will severely impact on some of the important services like health care, education and transportation.

Secondly, It generates huge quantities of garbage and increase the vehicles movements in a single region. Therefore, a drastic increase in air, soil and water pollution. Moreover, It is very difficult to government to provide security and infrastructure to the citizens.

However, there are many solutions to overcome these issues. To begin with, government should encourage companies to invest in rural areas by providing tax benefits. This provides opportunities to rural people to work in their native place itself. Also, government should provide subsidies to farmers and motivate them to continue in farming by resolving their problems. Moreover, education systems in both the places should be maintained equivalent.

In conclusion, there are wide number of options to handle problems described above. I hold a firm belief that the government will have a proper approach to take the standard of living in both the regions to be similar.

Re: Please rate my first essay. I need 7 in GT

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 2:05 am
by prathap
Thank you teacher for correcting my essay.

Could i request you to please rate my essay.

Thanks,
Prathap

Re: Please rate my first essay. I need 7 in GT

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:53 am
by OnlineEnglishTeacher
prathap wrote:Thank you teacher for correcting my essay.

Could i request you to please rate my essay.

Thanks,
Prathap
Perhaps 5.5 - maybe other teachers will have another opinion/grade.