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would you please score my task 2 writint?

Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 7:31 pm
by asadek
Children are the generation of the future, they should be raised and educated wisely and efficiently to be good members of their society and in order to benefit and influence it in the best way they can.
People argue about who is responsible for preparing children for tomorrow, and whether it is school or the parents, some of them believe that parents are the sole responsible for raising and teaching their children everything they need to know in order to deal effectively with different members of their society whether they are family members, workmates or even strange members, like how to talk, how to react in different situations, how to behave and of course the good manners like respecting older people and being polite in their general behavior.
Some other people believe that school is the place to learn all the aforementioned, considering that children spend most of their time there, and parents should only observe, follow up and take any corrective actions where possible.
In my viewpoint, home comes first, considering that children spend their early years with their parents until they can join school, so they learn a lot from them through watching and observing, it is widely known that children imitate their parents in what they do, so in order to teach them how to be good members of society, we should observe ourselves and how we act or behave, when children joins school, then raising and educating them should be parallel and no one is solely responsible, parents and school integrate each other, they both should observe children’s behavior and what they were taught and guide them to the best practice when needed.

Re: would you please score my task 2 writint?

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 9:38 pm
by Flick
asadek wrote:Children are the generation of the future, they should be raised and educated wisely and efficiently to be good members of their society and in order to benefit and influence it in the best way they can.

People argue about who is responsible for preparing children for tomorrow, school teachers or parents. Some believe that parents are solely responsible for raising and teaching their children everything they need to know in order to deal effectively with different members of their society, whether they are family members, workmates or even strangers. This includes how to talk to people, how to react in different situations, how to behave and of course, good manners like respecting older people and being polite in their general behavior.

Other people believe that school is the place to learn all the aforementioned, considering that children spend most of their time there, and parents should only observe, follow up and take any corrective actions where necessary.

In my viewpoint, home comes first, considering that children spend their early years with their parents until they can join school, so they learn a lot from them through watching and observing. It is widely known that children imitate their parents in what they do, so in order to teach them how to be good members of society, we should observe ourselves and how we act or behave. When children start going to school, raising and educating them should be a shared responsibility; parents and teachers working together. They both should observe children’s behavior and guide them to the best practice when needed.
Your sentences are very long. This makes it difficult to read and difficult to stay on subject. Try to write shorter sentences that only have one point.

For example, "This cat is orange and fluffy and likes to catch mice because they are its favourite food, but it also likes to eat cheese and other things, so it is getting very fat." <-- This is too long, but:
"This cat is orange and fluffy. Its favourite food is mice, but it also likes cheese. It is getting fat because it eats a lot of food." <-- Short sentences are easier to read and understand.