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Hey, now that I might have your attention -
I would greatly appreciate someone looking through my Writing Task 1 and 2.
I don't know anyone being able to correct my Essays.
I am taking the Academic Test in 3 weeks, aiming for a 6.5 score in every section.

Task 1 : The charts below show the importance of green space to people in England in 2009 and the volumne of visits to the natural environment in 2009-10 and 2010-11.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My answer:
"The two pie charts visualize the value of green space to the British population in 2009 along with proportions of visit destinations to the natural environment in 2009/10 and 2010/11.

A vast majority of 74 per cent rated the significance of green space as very important, while almost a quarter of respondents (21 per cent) considered it as fairly important. Compared to the overwhelming positive attitude towards nature, only 4 per cent accounted for the answer `not very important´ and merely 1 per cent for `not at all important´ respectively.

Although, almost half of respondents (53 per cent) preferred trips to the countryside, a sizeable amount of British citizen (37 per cent) enjoy visits to green space in towns or cities as well. Followed by visits to seaside resorts or towns, that constitute to 7 per cent of all given answers, are trips to other seaside coastlines (4 per cent).

In conclusion, the polls represent an overall positive attitude towards green space in England, while depicting a clear trend towards visits to the countryside."

169 words

Note: After reading different opinions on conclusions in Writing Task 1: Do I have to write a conclusion at the end ? Can someone tell?


Task 2:
In many countries, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having a negative impact on society.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My answer:

"Nowadays, there are several different ways of shopping and acquiring goods– for companies and individuals as well. Since the implementation of the Internet, the offer of purchasing goods online is increasingly used by people despite its negative connotations. Personally, I share the widespread rather negative attitude towards online shopping that is derived from logistical and environmental issues, yet acknowledging the few positive aspects, such as time savings, as well.

Purchasing goods online is way easier and convenient than going outside and buying in retail stores. Once a package is delivered, one can send it back in case he doesn't like it. However, many people forget about the fact, that due to everyone thinking that way, a huge amount of goods is being shipped and mailed to customers and , if not suitable, returned the same way. Thus, delivery companies are being overtaxed and especially delivery couriers have an increasingly hard job to do.

Related to the same cause are environmental problems. The vast number of clothes, food, gifts, components, tools etc. lead to a rise in transportation, which is mostly done by trains, ships and planes – not being known for their green emissions. If you order shoes online, for example, those shoes might have to be exported from another country, instead of just purchasing them at the store around the corner.

However, one significant advantage of ordering online, lies in the fact that one doesn't have to go outside in order to buy certain goods. This fact is especially significant for elderly people or those who have disabilities, being tied to their homes. Being independent as much as possible is really important to elderly or sick people.

Weighing up the arguments, I share the overall negative attitude against purchasing online, but like with any other issue, there are two sides of the medal. Certain people benefit from its advantages but the majority of reasons are negative."

317 words

Writing both tasks took me 64 minutes, without even correcting my answers - so I really need to work on time managment.

Hopefully someone can correct these essays
Kind Regards

Dear Owlcrack
Do you have a link to the charts?
I'll try to take a look at your essays after class.
Teacher Jill

Dear Jill,

thanks a lot!
Unfortunately I can't provide links as task 1 is an excerpt from an IELTS practice book.

Dear Owlcrack

Is it a Cambridge one? I can look it up. It is hard to correct a Task 1 report without the charts in front of me. From your answer, the first chart probably looked something like this:



The question mentions two years for the second chart - was it a bar chart or two pie charts? There is no mention of dates in your answer, so you may not have completely answered the question.

In terms of Task 2, lovely arguments, good vocabulary, only a few errors ... but you didn't answer the question.

In many countries, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having a negative impact on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your arguments are mainly logistical and environmental. In your introduction you mention time-saving (which impacts society) but you don't mention it in the essay. You mention to benefit to the elderly and disabled, (making shopping an inclusive experience) so you need to expand on that idea.

Here's the marked up essay, but Task Response would be low.



Kind regards
Teacher Jill

Dear Jill,

first of all: thanks a lot - great job in correcting.

Regarding Task 1:
The pie chart you posted is correct (Heading: Importance of greenspace to people in England 2009). The second one looks like this (in percentage):



Do I have to write a conclusion? The given answers in the book don't contain any but some Internet sources tell the opposite.

Regarding Task 2:

1.) Are you saying that I should`ve focused on societal issues (like economy and employment) rather environment? I totally overlooked that...

2. ) What do you mean by your last sentence '..., but Task Response would be low.'? - The IELTS Tester wouldn't subtract many points?

3.) If I understand you correctly, the last sentence of my second paragraph should look like this:
' However, many people forget about the fact, that due to everyone thinking that way, a huge amount of goods are (really 'are' instead of 'is'? Because 'is' would be related to the word amount, wouldn't it?) being shipped and mailed to customers and being returned the same way, meaning delivery companies are being overtaxed and couriers, in particular, have an increasingly hard job to do.'

Any guess on the overall writing score that I would get for this Writing Task?

Dear Owlcrack
Opinions vary about 'conclusions' for Task 1, but I feel that Task 1 reports are somehow unfinished without a concluding sentence of some kind. For example, if you look at the last paragraphs of these examples http://www.ieltsexchange.com/#!bar-charts/c15d9 they all start with 'Overall..." and sum up the data. Nothing is hard and fast about IELTS, but you don't want to leave the examiner thinking 'so what?' at the end.
For Task 2, the question is about the (negative) impact on society, so you could talk about things like becoming addicted to online shopping, identity theft, not walking to the shops so less exercise, loss of local communities as small shops fail because they can't compete with online prices (which means people without access have fewer facilities and some people people become unemployed because there are fewer jobs locally) and so on.
For the last sentence of your paragraph I meant to cross out 'a huge amount' and put ' huge numbers'. It's not a rule, but with countable things (goods) one tends to say 'numbers' and with uncountable ones (information) we say 'amount' - so you are quite correct, with 'amount' it would remain 'is'. It would also be 'is' if you said 'a huge number of' which is just as acceptable.
In terms of Task Response, you would lose 2 or 3 marks on TA, but my overall assessment of the essay would be 6.5. What score do you need?
What about timings? How long do you spend brainstorming and planning? Doing that well can really save time when you're writing.
Kind regards
Teacher Jill

Thanks again!

- Task 2 asks me to describe to what extent I agree or disagree. Therefore, it is appropriate to write about positive aspects of online shopping as well, as long as they are of societal nature, correct?

- I do need a band score of at least 6.5 and a minimum of 6.0 for each section. Getting there will be pretty close, according to your rating.
Would you rate me higher if I corecttly responded to the question?

- Moreover, what do you think of my answer to Task 1?

Kind Regards

Hi Owlcrack
Yes, you can do both sides of any question which says - how far do you agree/to what extend to you agree or disagree/what is your opinion. Often that makes it easier to write.
Definitely you would get a higher score if you answered the question. Often that's where even the best students lose marks. I tell all my students 'answer the question' until they groan and we spend a lot of time analysing IELTS questions, brainstorming and planning before we actually write. Sometimes we spend 20 minutes planning and write the essay in 10 minutes! I think you are pretty close to your 6.5. Are you going to be studying abroad?
I think your Task 1 essay was pretty good and would easily get your 6.5 - unfortunately it's only worth half the marks of a Task 2, so work on those.
Kind regards
Teacher Jill

Sounds good,
yes I'm planning to study abroad

One last question though: How frequently are test results being retained after the publication deadline of 13 days? Have you ever experienced such a case?

I'm taking the exam on November 7th and need to have those results by December 1st at the latest.

Hi Owlcrack - it's very uncommon for results to be held back - usually only if the number of working days is reduced by holidays in the country you're taking the exam in.
GOOD LUCK!
Teacher Jill